Angry Teacher Rant

I am so DONE!

On a typical day, I love my students, I love my job...but yesterday, I felt like I hated them. I am serious. In my mind, every one of them was lazy, apathetic, superficial, had no character, no work ethic. You would not have wanted to be inside my head yesterday - it was not pretty.

I've complained all semester long about grading their thesis papers. Grading these things are the bane of my professional existence, but I put a TON of time into assessing their rough drafts...going over it with a fine-toothed comb, marking every grammar error, error in development, organization, weak thesis statements, lack of unity...you name it.

It is so FRUSTRATING to get their final drafts and compare them to the rough drafts. Do you know what they fixed???? The commas, the periods, the capital letters, the spacing...anything that did not require THOUGHT and only mistakes the I POINTED OUT.

Anything that required them to THINK or DO MORE WORK they conveniently left out.

"You need another example here. Develop this paragraph a little more." I got nothing.

"How is this information tied to your thesis? Make a connection."Still nothing.

"Repetitive. Keep all like information together." Did they move it? Of course not!

"Too much quoting. You need to paraphrase." Do you know what was there? SAME.EXACT.WORDS.

Just to name a few.

In fairness, I did get some great papers. I do have students who work hard, take pride in their work and have an excellent work ethic.

But it just made me sad how many students don't. Shoddy work. No effort. They check out during class, do their work incorrectly, and then have the gall to ignore the corrections I MAKE FOR THEM!

They have been doing these kinds of papers since 9th grade. I don't get it.

The seniors need to get a 75 on their thesis in order to graduate. Some got a 70 or 75, and instead of just making all the corrections, they calculatively determine what they needed to do to get the 3 or 5 points needed to pass. That's it.

I was going over a paper with a student about what needed to be done to fix her paper, and she said, point blank, " Just tell me what I need to do to get 3 points." "Well, really, it would be best to..." " No, honestly, I just want the 3 points."

OK, summer vacation is more for the teacher than the student. Case in point.

You would not want me teaching your kids in this frame of mind. Look for a rebuttal in the future about how wonderful my students are and how motivated and enthusiastic and how bright....

But just not today.

I See It...

...the end, that is. The end is in sight.

We finished classes on Monday....NYS Regents and finals this week and next...and then....done.

I am so looking forward to....just....breathing....

I was talking to my mom on the phone, filling her in on my summer plans, and as we talked, I realized the past 12 months have been a whirlwind. Almost entirely, nonstop.

About this time last year, I had to finish up school a week early because I was going on a trip to Morocco. So, I had to get my classroom cleaned out and my grades in a week early. That was crazy.

Then, I was in Morocco for almost two weeks.



About two weeks after I got back from Morocco, James proposed.




Enter: wedding planning mania.

When we decided on a March wedding, the wind speed starting picking up.



September, I'm back teaching - and planning a wedding:

Getting the dress...


finding a church (ours was being used for the Easter Passion Play)...

finding a reception site....


picking the dresses, flowers, and color schemes...


picking the invitations...



By November, enter: house hunting.



I am teaching, planning a wedding, and looking for a house.

By December, I am teaching, planning a wedding, getting the house inspected, finalizing the mortgage, going to contract...


I don't even think we took a break for the holidays. Maybe Christmas Day.



By January, I am teaching, prepping for the NYS English Regents (a brutal 6- hour-4-essay test), planning the wedding, closing on our house...


....and just about going crazy.

By February, on top of all that, we are moving James into the house...



packing up my apartment,

planning our honeymoon...

and now wedding planning stress is in full swing...

picking the tuxes...

going over the guest list and tables...

finding the right favors...


Throw in a few hair trials, make-up trials and bridal showers....

Honestly, there are no words.

Another month or so of this...constant motion right up until the night before - making and setting up the centerpieces....





And finally, it arrives:

March 26, 2010...it has all been leading up to this. It was all worth it.

April...we had our honeymoon, which was super-relaxing...but a degree of stress, only in the sense of the newness of and getting used to each other.






When we got back, I had to move all the rest of my stuff out of the apartment and into the house, unpacking, buying furniture, settling in, adjusting to a new routine and a new role as a wife...





And go back to work and catch up on everything I put off while I was....well,....see above.

By May, I am super-stressed at work - the normal end of the year crunch, on top of all my back-work I didn't do while planning the wedding, figuring out what job(s) I'll be working for the summer, applying and training for those jobs....

Not to mention that in order for two students to graduate, I have to find an additional 21 hours in my life to privately tutor them.

...which brings me to today - June 17.

I see it.

The end is in sight.

Classes are done.

I can do my grading in school instead of bringing it home every night.

I can take a few minutes to blog while my students are re-taking the regents.

My summer schedule is mostly worked out (3 different jobs, mind you, but when I leave at the end of the day, I leave) and I am actually seeing vacant blocks of time in the near future that aren't booked with something that has to get done.

This whirlwind of a 12-month time period is just about drawing to a close, and honestly, I couldn't.be.happier.

There have been these huge, monumental life changes in the past 365 days that I haven't even really had a chance to fully contemplate, dream about - or even really fully enjoy.

But, that is what is on my agenda for the next 75 days....

Home

Yes, we are home! We had an amazing honeymoon but it feels great to be home!

I am slowly re-entering the real world - post-wedding and post-honeymoon. Feels like culture shock, lol! But I am excited to start normaling out and connecting again.

'Real' blog posts soon to come! :)

Blog Envy - And Other Bits of Soul-Searching

Blogging has been an interesting leg of the 'journey.' Being fairly new to the blogging world, I remember trying to nail down my philosophy as far as what I was going to write - and to who. Was I writing for me? For you? How much energy and effort should I put into getting readers and followers? My first and second posts on my initial blog 'One Girl's Journey' kind of explored that a little.

It's been interesting to look back and see why I started blogging in the first place. And in the short time I have been doing it...it has caused me to do a little soul-searching.

A few other really good blogs I have come across sort of tackled some of the issues in blog-world. After the Altar had a really good post about blog-world being like high school - trying to get in with the 'popular crowd' so we get noticed (or read, in this case). Out of the Extraordinary put up a post about our tendency to be ruled by the amount of comments we get and if we get 'back-commented' (I mean, who hasn't been there?). And I came across a rebel blogger who just didn't care anymore if anyone read her blog - she was writing for herself. And I totally respect that.

But like I said, it has caused me to look again at my original purpose for blogging. I think it is fair to say a certain amount of 'evolution' might take place as we are all kind of putting ourselves out there and figuring out what kind of blogger we want to be (well, me at least).

But it has made me question even my own sincerity sometimes. Am I just writing what I think people will read - or what I feel inspired to write about? Am I commenting so someone will comment back? Do I become a follower of someone hoping they will become a follower of my blog? Am I just writing a certain way to get in with the popular 'blog crowd'? Am I trying to fit in and be like everyone else?

If that is the case, then that's pretty crappy. I think we all can smell insincerity a mile away.

So, it has caused me to re-think my blog and purposes for blogging. I feel like I am still kind of 'defining' what kind of blogger I am. For instance, take the title - 'One Girl's Journey to the Altar.' My original blog was just called 'One Girl's Journey.' My sister encouraged me to make a branch that focused on my wedding.

I have been doing this wedding blog thing steadily since the fall, and I have to say, I find myself wishing this leg of my 'blogging journey' hurries up and gets done because I am feeling a little confined by it. I mean, I love talking about my wedding, but it is not my entire life. Nor do I want it to be. And I have a hard time believing everyone out there is as interested in my wedding plans as I am.

I have nothing against girls whose blogs focus entirely on that - and I am all about idea-sharing - [I actually enjoy reading those kinds of blogs], but I don't know if that is for me. I have ideas and thoughts about lots of other things, and it feels restricting to me to only write about my wedding. And if you notice some of my posts, I haven't been able to stick with it. I try to put a 'wedding slant' on it to be true to the title, but it's like trying to make a shopping cart with a broken wheel go straight. Feels like a bit of a strain.

So, all of that to say... I have some ideas of where I think this is going. I actually have alot of ideas in my head, and I'm kinda excited. Not that it is going to be totally different - in fact, it might be kind of similar to what it is now - just tweaked a bit. And not to say that it might not have some of a 'catch' to it, but I will know in my heart it is what I want to do and I'm not doing it for the wrong reasons.

But I'm making a promise, at least to myself, that it is going to be true - to who I am and the kind of writer I want to be. Not imitating the blogs who have lots of followers and get lots of comments. Not gimmicky just to get my followers and comments up. It is going to be sincere -in what I write and in all my dealings with other bloggers. None of this 'give to get' kinda thing.

So, I'm not fully sure where it's all heading, but we'll see where the journey takes me. Being true to my commitment to be "honest and sincere", I will say that I would love to have you along for some of the ride. But if this is where you feel you need to part ways - all the best and Godspeed! Sincerely! And if you choose to come along for the ride...thank you, and I hope we can learn a little from each other.

So stay tuned!

Distracted: The Lure of the Sirens

It's getting bad. I have so much to do, and I am so distracted. This is not uncommon for me, but because I have so much to do with work, the wedding and the house, it is even more important that I focus. Well, the verdict is not looking so great for me today. :(

Today we get MLK Jr day off, and I had these lofty plans of spending the day getting my English essays graded (my 11th graders are taking the NY English Regents in two weeks).

The J-man and my nephew went to an Islanders game with his dad and nephew, so I saw them off about 11am. As a good fiancee, I lovingly offered to have dinner ready when they got back (I am trying really hard to learn how to cook), so that would necessitate a trip to the grocery store at some point. That's a valid distraction. I mean,we gotta eat, right?

Then, since I was off today, my mom wanted to go to Costco to get the card renewed (we have a joint membership). Of course, you can't say no to the woman who gave you birth?

OK, so Costco. Ohhhhh, Costco. Besides all the fun, super-size stuff (and free food samples!), they also have furniture! And that is where the distractions for the day really took off.

I just found out that we are OFFICIALLY closing on our new home next Monday! That is another post (oh my, did God ever put this together for us), but anyway, my eyes began to wander over to the furniture section in Costco. They had these microfiber sectionals (with the chaise). So nice! And the poor J-man will move in first...with only his bed, a chair, a coffee table, and some bookshelves. So what could a loving fiancee to do besides scope out some new furniture for her man, right?

I know I shouldn't really even look until we close make sure we have enough money to close, but I just started getting excited and couldn't stop myself. I sat down on the sofa and sank right in. So comfortable! Then, my mom says, "You know, you might want to jump on that. They probably won't have them for too long here." OK, if I was calm and patient at all before this, that was slowly becoming a faint memory.

I resisted doing anything drastic, but I couldn't get it off my mind. So, when I got home, I put the chili on (such an easy recipe - My sister at The Girl Creative hooked me up), tried to discipline myself to grade, but the evil-Siren-computer was singing: "This deal won't last forever. You really need to start looking today." I knew I had more immediate stuff to attend to, but the song was so.darn.convincing. Tie me to the mast of the boat! Odysseus, I feel your pain!

It happened slowly - I did make a valiant effort. I gave myself a time limit: "OK, it is 2:43. Just 17 more minutes and that's it.' And that worked. For awhile. At about 3:13, when I had graded about a paper and a half, I remembered that Ikea sells inexpensive furniture, too. Ok - but just for a minute.

Well, it is now 5:27 and I have gotten 7 essays graded. Not good.

But, in trying to work on my negative thinking make excuses to myself, on the bright side, I know that Craig's List has some good local options for house items, Ebay probably won't work because of the cost for shipping, and compared to other stores, what I saw at Costco is a pretty good deal.

So, the chili has been stirred tasted several times and is looking good, computer distractions have been mostly explored,and a new blog post is up. {I promise, my motivation was to write a post, get it out of my system so I can focus on the essays at hand.}

5:47 pm. I am signing off for the night, and all is right with the world.

Until the boys get home...

Of Things Blessed and Unblessed

Human suffering. Tragedy. Despair. I get this same thought every time I am exposed to it. I've gotten it on every missions trip I have been on. It is the one plaguing question I can't get away from:

Why them?
And even more pointedly, why not me?

I struggle with this. A lot. I've been told by others that I have a 'bleeding heart' - and honestly, I don't think this is a bad thing. But sometimes it makes life hard (which I don't think is a bad thing either).

I said in my last post that I had a hard time even thinking wedding details in light of what has happened. But that doesn't take away from the fact that I still have had wedding details to take care of. And honestly, as far as that is concerned - it has been a great week (which is VERY hard to say in wedding-planning-world. At least for me).

In stark contrast to what is happening in Haiti, I feel like God has given me an extra dose of His blessing this week, which honestly, is really hard for me to reconcile. These two images are juxtaposed in my brain: Me with these blessings all around me and the Haitians in the overwhelming suffering. I don't need it as much as the Haitians do...so why is He coming through in all of these little ways?

Now, these 'blessings' may not seem big to someone else...but I don't want to deny them as God's little blessings to me. I was given a brand new panini press that I was hoping to get. We found home-owner's insurance for about $300 less than we thought. I won a blog giveaway for a cell-phone wallet. My friend Liz surprised me with a package of this pumpkin butter I mentioned sounded yummy (She's in Belize, by the way). I ran into one of my favorites friends from high school last night, who was just sooo good to see.

But in light of Haiti, I am tempted to say, 'Who cares?' to all of those other things. When people's lives have been literally crushed, what do these things matter???

But I am wondering if maybe occurrences like the tragedy in Haiti is precisely why these things matter. We want to help them get back on their feet. To give them love and support. But for what?

Maybe so they can one day be in a place to enjoy little blessings for themselves. True, it probably won't be a panini press for them, but shouldn't they have the chance to have quality friendships? To have a home for their families? To have a peaceful life? To get a surprise gift?

I am not equating possessions and what we call 'American prosperity' with happiness. People with far less often are much happier than we Americans. (Believe me, I've seen it firsthand).

But, I am talking about the chance for a blessed existence (which I know doesn't necessarily mean a cotton-candylife). For me, it wasn't so much those 'things' that made me feel so happy and blessed. It was the fact that God was with me and had stepped into my world in those little, personal ways. And while God is actively blessing all the time - even in 'less-blessed' times (at least from my narrow perspective), it is not every week that I experience it so tangibly.

And maybe these little blessings feel so good to me because I do know what it is like to go through dark times that have felt 'unblessed'. So in contrast to that, these little blessings feel so good. And maybe they wouldn't mean as much if I hadn't gone through those dark times.

But those times did pass, and I believe they will pass for the people of Haiti.

That is my hope for the people of Haiti: that they can be restored and know what it is like feel His blessings on them - whatever form His blessings might look like. To have hope that even when bad times come, there is a chance for Him to bring good out of it. To walk with God and know His friendship, which is actually what makes a life most blessed.

And for us who are not suffering like they are, I think it is right to ask, 'OK, God - this didn't happen to me. So what do you want me to do with all the blessings you have given me?' I don't think He wants me to just sit back and enjoy my panini press and pumpkin butter (certainly not at the same time, lol). But I think there is a certain responsibility we have, those of us who are blessed, to help and reach out to those who are feeling 'unblessed' at this time.

Then, when the people of Haiti recover and experience their time of blessing, they will be in a good place to enjoy God's blessing to them and then reach out and bless the ones who will need it at that time.

In bringing this stream-of-consciousness to a close, I don't think the point is for me (or you) to feel bad about my blessings. But I also do not think I am to stay self-absorbed in all my blessings and ignore the suffering of others. I think we should enjoy our blessings as Ecclesiastes says, but we also are to get beyond ourselves, use our blessings in a positive way, and get involved in helping the suffering of others.

I don't know the mind of God, I don't know how this all works out. I can't answer why them and why not me. But I do know that since it was not me, I have a responsibility to do what I can. Because, honestly, that is what God did. He saw us in our suffering and mess, but didn't just stay in His 'blessed' heaven; He got involved in our mess and brought salvation.

It reminds me a quote I read from John Ortberg's book some years ago, God is Closer Than You Think:

" God chooses not to stand apart from our suffering. He is not unmoved by the pain of the creatures he loves. He embraces that pain and suffers with us. Karl Barth wrote that God would rather be unblessed with his creatures than to be the blessed God of unblessed creatures."

We should be like our Father.

[P.S. - After poking around on blog-world, I have see A TON of bloggers setting up their blogs to help Haiti, give suggestions, donate money based on comments...all sorts of generous things!!! One of the best ones is here. SOOOOO encouraging to see all the blessed people out there using their blessings to help! What a boost!!!]

What is Really Important - A Prayer for Haiti

Picture from Yahoo.com

I just can't think wedding today. I was going to write a post today about all the details coming together - wedding, the house, all the good things happening...but I can't get Haiti off my mind. Somehow, my small details like pretty invitations and filling up my registry just doesn't seem very significant.

My heart breaks for what is going on over there. It's strange, because on Monday night, the J-man and I were watching a documentary on Haiti. It traced the years of poverty and unrest. But now, it was reporting that Haiti was in the 'window of opportunity.' There were investors coming over to help; new industries and factories and job opportunities were being created; international workers were training their police and getting rid of the gang violence. It seemed like Haiti was finally stabilizing and maybe being given something she never had before: hope.

The commentators emphasized that Haiti has been given this window of time to take advantage of all the help being given to her to get on her feet. It almost seemed like this was the last shot for Haiti to get it right; this was the moment all the world was really helping her, and she had this last opportunity to take advantage of it.

Then, eerily, the very next day - this. A 7.0 earthquake. It is hard not to ask why. Why - in a country with so much poverty and devastation and unrest already? Why not us - a country that has the infrastructure to deal with this? You wonder just how much more can a struggling nation can take.

At this point, I'm not really seeking answers to these questions - my heart is so sad for them. Our missions team from our school is actually going there in April (I would be on that trip too, if it were not for the wedding in March). A few students in our school have parents who are there now - and have no way of knowing if they are dead or alive.

I'm just sad. That's all. It's hard to feel helpless...wanting so badly to help.

Giving - we can do that. Some ways to help:

*World Vision

*Compassion International

The American Red Cross is accepting donations as small as $10, charged directly to your phone bill by texting 'HAITI' to 90999.

Some can go. I'm jealous. I wish I could, too.

We can care - even if it is just making the choice to watch the news, follow the stories - to at least try to feel their pain and suffering and not shut it out to go quickly back into our safe, comfortable world.

We can pray - That's what we can do from here. And, thankfully, God is not limited by distance, time or resources.

So, Lord, I ask You to be with Haiti. Give them help. They are desperate and need a miracle. Only You can help them in the way they need. My heart is so heavy for them. Dear Jesus, bring good out of this tragedy. You can do that. And only You can do that. Be with the creation You love so much. Bring them to Yourself. Give them hope and peace. Give them what You know they need. Give them Yourself.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Oh No You Didn't!

Yes, I did.

As if I didn't need another excuse to procrastinate and be distracted, I have started another blog.

I got the idea from Nicolasa who is hosting Project 365 on her blog - a picture for every day of the year. I had to join. I had to! So, I started another one. Feel free to visit, if you would like, at This Beautiful Mess - or maybe even start your own! You can link up at Nicolasa's blog!

Fear - Be Gone!

OK - New Year's Resolutions. To make them or not to make them?

Some people don't like them, but I do. I don't know why...just maybe the chance to start over and get second shot at what I didn't get right last year.

I can't say I have had a lot of time to give this much thought...but I would like to start this new decade with some kind of goal in mind. So, in giving it just a little thought, one goal I think I do want to consciously work on is my negative thinking.

I tend to be a worrier, and I am really starting to feel the effects of these worries (or if I am honest - these fears) in my life. I've kind of struggled with "stinkin' thinkin'" over the years. Not that you would think I am a pessimist if you met me; I am typically an upbeat person. But inside, I feel like there is this vat of negative thoughts and expectations that just swirl around in there. Sometimes I am aware of it and can get it under control - and sometimes....not.

Maybe because I am such a do-er perfectionist, I feel a bit out of control when I make a situation better force things to turn out how I want. And the results of what I can't control scare me. And it just leads to a messy thought life...which leads to negative emotions...which takes its toll in my physical body. Who wants to live like that?

Take a look at the picture above. I debated using it in my blog because it is so ugly and disturbing. But then I thought...No, that is a great visual for fear. Fear is ugly and disturbing, and that is what it looks like inside of me. And I refuse to have that controlling me. Honestly, I feel tired of being afraid.

I tend to live in the world of 'what if' - which is a scary, dark world. And I need to know, down in my gut, it should be 'so what, if?'

I have God. I will be OK. Everything will be fine.

So, as far as resolutions go, I think this is the one that will effect every other area of my life.

Of course, there are the others...drop a few pounds, be less selfish. I want to grow closer to Jesus and be more faithful to Him. I want to be a good wife to J. I want to be a better teacher, and I want to stop procrastinating and waste less time. I would like to be a better writer and blogger.

But this sums up my goal for this year:


Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.

(The Message - Phil. 4:6-8)

What about you? Do you make resolutions? Keep them? Have any for 2010?

End of an Era and My Quarter-Life-Crisis: Reflections on the Past Decade

I can remember the New Year's Eve of the over-exaggerated 'Y2K.' Actually, that was one of my most favorite New Year's Eves. December 31st also happens to be my birthday, so if it is a great night, all the better. If NYE is a flop, when then, I lose two major events in one night. (Personally, I tend to think NYE is a bit over-rated).

Anyway, on the last day of 1999, I was house-sitting for my sister and we had this big bash at her house. We cleared out some of the rooms so we could dance on her hard-wood floors, friends just kept showing up - with friends of friends and food. By the last few moments of 1999, there were probably about 60 of us gathered around her big screen TV, watching Y2K around the world, waiting for the NYC ball to drop.

I just remember it was such an exciting moment...with so many friends and people around. Then, when the ball dropped, it was just hugging and kissing and toasting and celebrating. After, a bunch of us then decided to drive to Montauk Point (the eastern-most tip of Long Island) to catch the first sunrise of the new millennium.

We got our coffee and blankets and headed out...and to our surprise, hundreds of other people had the same idea! What a great morning. A friend of mine even got quoted in the Newsday article that came out the next day.

So, the new millennium was off to a great start. But not long after that, I hit my 'quarter-life' crisis. And this is how it happened:

When I was starting my senior year of college in 1995, my roommates and I decided to write a time-capsule of where we thought we would be in the year 2000. True to our promise, we met at the Jersey Shore in the summer of 2000 to read them.

It was fun and sentimental...some of the girls were right for a few of their predictions. One of my friends was like 10 for 10, lol.

Me? Way off. I mean, waaaaayyyyyy off. Not that my life was terrible - actually, at 26, it was a lot of fun. But, I suddenly realized that nothing, I mean nothing, had gone like I had thought. And that scared me. It hit me all at once how little control I really had in my own life.

And that sort of set me on this fearful, internal journey of the quarter-life crisis (which is actually a real term). I guess you graduate college with all of these hopes and dreams of how your life will turn out. Anything is possible.

And then, year after year, reality sets in more and the hopes of your dreams becomes just slightly less. Again, not that my life was bad. It was just different. And that was a little hard to deal with.

So, I guess the next decade was dealing with all of that. I mean, there were some wonderful moments along that next ten-year period:

• I became a teacher at S. Christian School.
• I have had some wonderful relationships with my students and co-workers.
  
• My baby sister got married.
• I saw the birth of three new nieces.
  
• I had guardianship of my nephew (who was 15 at the time) for 2 and half years. Some of the best times of my life. Don't know how to express how much I love that kid.
• I traveled to some amazing places on missions trips - Belize, Ukraine, Nigeria, Brazil, Morocco, Nicaragua, Trinidad.
• I got my Master's Degree in Liberal Studies/English/Adolescent Education
• I saw God heal a special friend from cancer.
  
• I have been blessed with some of the greatest friendships in the world and had some great times with Becky, Jen, Ryan, Liz, Kelly, Laura, Liz, Jodi, Rhonda, Steph and many more.
  
• I met J. and got engaged :)
• I am planning a wedding and getting ready to buy a house.
  
• I discovered Jesus in a way I never had before in my life and experienced true joy and healing.

But, there were some hard moments, too:

• I had my first serious break-up that messed me up for a bit of time.
• I struggled with being single into my thirties and all the sadness and hard stuff that comes with it.
• I suffered from more than a few crushed dreams and disappointments in relationships.
• I lost my grandma.
  

But you know, as I think about it, those probably were the worst times. And over the course of a decade, that is not half bad. Actually, it is pretty amazing. When I look at the weight of all the ways I have been blessed, compared to some of the hard things I've gone through, I had definitely made out well and have come out ahead.

My family is alive and well. And so am I. I live in America. I have a job - two, actually. I have an apartment I love and a house that I will be moving into. I found a godly man to marry.

And even though my life isn't what I thought it would be, I guess little by little I am learning to let go and be OK with so. So far, so good.

My devotional verse today was: 'Thus far has the Lord helped us.' (1 Samuel 7:12). And if His past track record is any indication of His future track record, I think I will be just fine.

Happy New Year and here is to all the best in the decade to come!

2009 in Review

Looking back, looking ahead. This actually is a yearly tradition of mine.

In my 'blog-stalking,' I've come across a kindred spirit in Jen from "After the Altar" - fellow Long-Islander and newly-wed (which I will shortly be joining the ranks of).

Anyway, she got the idea from another blogger, Scary Mommy (not quite there yet) of doing the year in review in a blog. I only started this blog in July or August, because that is when I got engaged. However, I started my other blog - the mother blog to this one, One Girl's Journey - October 2008 and posted sporadically; my year-in-review will pull from both.

So let's have at it:

Jan-March: Well, I started blogging in October 2008, was pretty good for the month, but didn't blog again til April 2009. Oops. At that point, James and I went to Fla to visit my grandparents, took the pre-covenant classes at church (before we were engaged), and then my blogging (therapy) began.

April: I guess being in the pre-covenant classes surfaced some 'inner issues', so I sort of began a personal recovery. "Detour on the Journey" sort of explains in a transparent way some of what was going on on the inside (it's a little messy), and "Relationships are Not Linear" was one of my epiphanies along the way.

May-June: -Ummm, took another break from blogging. Guess the therapy was getting too deep, lol. I did go to Morocco on a missions trip and I wish I had blogged about that. Maybe I'll reflect on that in a future date. Se la vie.

July: OK, engagement! And that was when the blog really came to life! Technically, I wrote this blog of our engagement story, in September, complete with pictures, but it tells of when we got engaged in July.

August: One Girl's Journey to the Altar is born! This post "How I Came to Meet the Border's Guy" tells the story of how we met at Border's (honestly, this is like a story from the movies!) and this post tells how God amazingly, Providentially, supernaturally brought us together.

September: I am a teacher, so this post contains some thoughts about getting back to school, "Back in the Saddle." I also had some lessons I was learning about relationships and marriage along the way: "We Marry Because...??" and "Eve's Curse".

October: A month of simple truths. It was great...got me out of psycho-wedding-planning-world and back to some bottom lines, and oh, how I love a bottom line: "Words from a Recovering Perfectionist" and "God is My Treasure."

November: Can't say it is the most interesting post ever, but just some updates on the wedding planning: "Full Steam Ahead".

December: This was probably my most reflective month. The holidays do that to me. I love going over the year (it was a tradition I did for years in my journal), looking back and looking ahead. My birthday is December 31st, also, so I like it that when the calendar flips to a new year, it is also a new birth year for me, too. Keeps things nice and clean. So, before I look ahead, one more stop in December: "Taking A Breather" has helped me recenter myself again and "I Almost Missed It" again reminds me of what is the single most important thing in my life. And oh, how I need to be reminded again.

Happy New Year!

I Almost Missed It...

Christmas, that is. Because of all the wedding planning and the impending move, I didn't even bother to put up Christmas decorations. My classroom? It would have remained undecorated if some of the seniors on the "CCC" (Christmas Cheer Committee) hadn't volunteered to do it. I think I went Christmas shopping for the first time on Saturday. December 19th, that is.

But that isn't what I mean. I almost missed Christmas. What it really means.

My students have heard me often enough get on my soapbox about the commercialism of Christmas and the disgust over what our society has made it. It's like we have this month-long extravaganza celebration, with all the decorating, songs, shopping, parties, cantatas - all for what was supposed to be a commemoration of Jesus' birthday - and it is like we have forgotten to invite Him to all the festivities! And in some cases, not even forgotten, but He is not even allowed to come!

Did we forget it is called CHRISTmas for a reason???

But I digress (the soapbox again). I almost missed it. I think this morning is maybe the first time I had a chance to really reflect on why we are celebrating. I got up to do my quiet time and was ready to rush through it because I had to get to Stop N Shop, Costco, Ulta, Dollar Tree, Gap Outlet...

Then I felt this gentle nudge in my soul to just slow down. Stop. Reflect. I was becoming all of the people I get so angry with - the ones who are doing all the celebrating and not keeping the focus on why. Or I should say Who, really.

Jesus.

God's perfect gift to a humanity doomed to bondage. Sin. Evil. Themselves. He came...not just to stay a baby. That was only the start. He came to be a Savior. For a creation He loved dearly and who desperately needed saving. Not just for 'a creation' but for me. I was doomed to bondage. Sin. Evil. Myself. I desperately needed saving.

And He did it. He came. Gave up heaven and shrunk Himself to fit inside human skin. To die a horrific death so I could be free from bondage. Sin. Evil. Myself. To have friendship with God. So I could be a clean, pure daughter in right-standing before her Daddy. Forever.

That is the miracle we should be celebrating. What kind of God does this??? Not on a whim but as a result of an intricately, meticulously designed plan, one invented even before light appeared on the horizon of the universe and the first bite of the apple was taken.

Because He saw me. He saw you. And to Him, we were worth it.

"Long lay the world, in sin and error pining
Til He appeared, and the soul felt its worth..."

"A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks, a new and glorious morn..."

Oh, what an amazing day we are celebrating. What an amazing God. He came. "Immanuel." God with us. God with us still.



(Picture and lyric inspiration borrowed from Or So She Says)

A Break from the Wedding World

Just to change things up...I thought I'd give a little info here for a cool giveaway I came across. Here's how it happened -



I came across a site I found on SITS (which Diana recommended to me) which led me to Or So She Says, which has some great ideas and things of interest...especially to the female sex (hence the title).



They are doing a great giveaway - which ends tonight. If you hurry, you just might make it. And if you miss it, check out their site anyway...good stuff going on there. Have fun!