A Year Ago, It All Started...

So, this weekend, James and I celebrated our 'engagement anniversary.' (For the record, James says we can only celebrate it this year. He says he cannot be responsible to remember more than one anniversary date.)

On July 18, 2009, we got engaged (full story here) and so it all began.




And since then, it has been a 12-month whirlwind (you can read about that here).

Our engagement day was actually one of our happiest - we got engaged at Montauk Point at sunrise.

It had been my hope that maybe we could go back for the weekend, but money, time and energy prevented it. Part of me wanted to push and make it happen (I am all about making memories), but the practical side won out.

But we had a great day...went out for breakfast (like we did the morning we got engaged), did a little shopping, ran a few errands (James got glasses! He looks like a such a wonderfully smart and handsome nerd! lol...He can't wait to bring them to work and use the pseudo-intelligent look to his advantage! He is the ultimate spin-master and can use anything to his advantage.)

And our night was topped off by seeing the L.I. Philharmonic in the park - VIP tickets and all (well, that just means better parking and sitting close up. In chairs. And being able to use the luxury trailer porter-potties, which, actually, were really nice. And you know how frequently I am in need of a good place to pee. Couldn't just go in the woods this time.)

Well, we actually just spread our blanket in the corner anyway, and...

with some great music...

and good friends...

a little wine-cheese-and-crackers by moonlight ....

and a top-of-the-line-fireworks show....


we celebrated our engagement.

It was cool to look back and see all that has transpired in the past 12 months. I am definitely one of those annoying people who frequently says things like, "This time last year, we were...." 'This time last year...we just got engaged. And now, just a year later, the wedding is behind us, we bought a house, and we have been married for 4 months now. Who would have thought last summer, that this time, just a year later, we would be married for 4 month, the wedding would be behind us and we would have bought a house???'

Back then, it was all just so nebulous and vague. There was no way we could have predicted how the year would unfold. But in retrospect, God just put the pieces in place in a way we could have never planned if we tried.

So, in the only year that I get to celebrate my engagement...we made the most of it. And it definitely feels different now that we are married, and not just dating. And not just engaged. I've reflected on this before, but our relationship just seems more real, more solid, more substantial and tangible. Like we are a solidified team. Committed. A family. Part of each other. Marriage does that.

And we actually went down to Great South Bay and stayed there til the sun came up (even though I hate staying up late!). In all honesty, it was kind of a deep night in the way of sharing. Not all of it easy...but it was good. Because, like it is supposed to do - I think it brought us closer. More of the nitty-gritty-talking-things-through that people should do in relationships to keep it honest, real and intimate. And although I don't think it was really tied up neatly with a bow by the morning, it felt good to do it. And I am glad we did. And I know it makes us stronger.

The cherry on top was that we saw this enormous sun rising as we drove home. I mean it was huge!!! Took up the whole horizon and it was this crazy mix of pink and orange both at the same time (Camera batteries were dead. #$%$#%^&!!) But I said to James this was the sunrise we should have gotten on our engagement morning (we got engaged at sunrise but it was a cloudy morning...no actual sun).

I sort of thought it was kind of symbolic in the way that there will always be new beginnings in relationships, fresh starts and new things to come. It's always a new day.

Camping Part 3: Sharing Spaces

If you have been tracking our camping adventures both here and here, I left with our desperate quest for coffee, which, thankyoudingmangeneralstore, we had in our systems soon enough without incident.

After a morning of settling in, we decided to bike the trails a bit...of course we got lost, which seems to be our M.O. After trying to scout around to find the trail again (why don't they mark those things???), trekking across the dried up riverbed (with no bridge) and taking a pee break (it was getting annoying that James could pee whenever he wanted to, so the heck with it - we were camping), we somehow found the park ranger station, where the park ranger informed us that we had taken a wrong turn and ended up on the ranger fitness trail.

After a short detour to the Visitor's Center for a short nature walk to the waterfalls, we biked back without incident again and by this time, we were ready to shower and head to Shawnee Mountain in the Poconos to see the pre-4th-of-July fireworks.

Dingman's Waterfall (not my picture).

Fortuitously enough we made it to the showers just in time, as it seemed most of the campground was heading to Shawnee as well.

OK, let me insert here - showers. Facilities weren't too bad, but there were only two bathhouses - each with two toilets and two showers for women. Now, there were over 100 campsites. And 4 showers???? Obviously a man came up with that design. So you can appreciate my luck having gotten to the showers before the rush. So, I got out and saw this woman and a family of about 9 kids all standing there, just staring at me when I walked out. My eyes were as big as half-dollars when I walked out of the shower, saw the crowd and gave them this crooked, awkward half-smile. Kinda awkward for everyone, I think. That I was not expecting to see that was an understatement. Fortuitous indeed.

At Shawnee was a sort of festival before the celebration, but we got the inside scoop that the parking lot was actually the better place to watch the fireworks. And you could beat some of the crowd out of the parking lot.

Just as it was getting close to show-time, I said to James, "I have to pee." (This was becoming a bad habit).

"Go in the woods."(This also was becoming a bad habit.)

"James, we are in civilization now. I just can't keep peeing wherever and whenever I want to. Not everyone here just came from the woods."

"Wait til the fireworks start. No one will even notice. "

Well, it seemed reasonable, so I agreed. Sure, I would probably need to be retrained when we got home, that I just couldn't pee wherever I wanted to, but hey, we were where we were.

Finally the lights went out and I made my move. Sandwiched between two cars, I went to the edge of the woods and crouched. Then all of the sudden - after I started, I heard, "Would every one please rise for 'The Star-Spangled Banner'."

Oh my gosh. No, he did not just say that! Crap! I am peeing during the national anthem! That is so disrespectful!!!

James turned and glared at me, and I just shrugged and gave him a look that said, 'This was your idea!'

What could I do?? I was past the point of no return. Then there was this silent pause, and all you could hear was the pee hitting the leaves. Loudly. James turned and gave me this look as if to say, 'Shhhhh!' But there was nothing I could do! All the sudden, James started to kick the gravel and to cough really loud. Finally, the singing started and I could hear James singing. Loudly - but this time, on purpose.

Finally, I got done and James said to me, 'I can't believe you peed during the Star-Spangled Banner."

Traitor!

Well, the show was great and we didn't get caught behind too many bad drivers (i.e. everyone else) on the way home, but we were looking forward to relaxing around the fire and getting to bed early because we were kayaking the next day.

This is a small sampling of our fireworks show.

(I had to put her in because my sister and I used to do this every 4th of July!)

So, we got back and were relieved to see that site 4, the site next to ours was still empty. We had set up our tent as sort of a barrier to site 4, and the other side was just the woods and our band of Asian friends just beyond the woods. It seemed like we would have the privacy we wanted. This is sort of the set-up. Picture the tent to James' left, almost right in front of the picnic table:

This is our tent, blocking site 4.

Well, we were chilling out around the fire....probably around 11pm, and all the sudden I saw lights through our tent and heard the slamming of car doors.


"Hon, looks like site 4 is taken."

Immediately, I could see that James was getting distracted, tense, and irritated that we had been invaded. Well, it was late, and I was sure they would be quiet and courteous.

Then this silence-shattering-cackling pierced our serenity. We just looked at each other in disbelief. Was she for real???

It got worse. First of all, it was all girls. Enough said. Then, full-volume voices, laughing, giggling, cackling, shrieking, yelping, screeching...and a car alarm that went off every.single.time they went into the car to unload another piece of equipment. And the laughter that followed it.

Didn't they know about the quiet hours at the campground? Which had actually passed over an hour before? Didn't they realize they had neighbors? Or there were little kids sleeping near by?

Now, this was the icing on the cake for James who had been patient with our little Asian children-neighbors playing games right near our site well past dark (he got it - they are kids camping and having some innocent fun); James, who had been slightly less patient with the French-speaking Arab guys who decided they wanted to lay right next to my jeep, on our site, and talk and watch the stars together? (Which, in response, James just stood near our jeep and stared at them until they left. I mean, go lay on your own site! I don't get it!)

So already bear-like when his serenity is interrupted, this was, as I said, the proverbial icing on the cake. Now, I am typically non-confrontational, but this was ridiculous. Absolutely no respect for the rules of the campground or the people nearby. Or at least no understanding of it.

"Go say something to them!"

And James, who is definitely not-non-confrontational, didn't need much coaxing.

"Just be nice to them!"

Well, James was composed enough that I couldn't hear what he said to them, which was a good thing. So he came back and I said, 'So what did you say????'

"I just said, 'Ladies, I understand that you just got here. That it is dark and you have to set up. But do ya think you could do it without all the screeching and yelping???? I know you may not have known this since you probably didn't get a chance to check in, but there are quiet hours here.' "

"Did you really say that???

"Yeah, I said that. They just looked at me and then were like, 'Oh, Ok. Ok."

In retrospect, I don't know if we had the most Christ-like attitude or response. Maybe we should have offered to help them. Maybe I should have been more sympathetic, since we were in a similar predicament the night before. But honestly, even with our frustration, we didn't inflict it on our neighbors. And they definitely didn't sound frustrated.

I kinda felt bad, but then, not really.

So, they did lower their voices...until I heard them on a cell phone - well, more like a Nextel because I could hear the whole conversation (well, sort of, they weren't fully speaking English). And they were giving directions for someone else to come to their site. Are you kidding? How many of them were there???

Unfortunately, even all the lowered voices didn't resolve the problem of the car alarm. I mean it - seriously, every.five.minutes.

Finally - and actually thankfully - we decided to call it a night. This was getting unbearable.

"Where is the Tylenol PM? I'm taking that and Nyquil. I wanna be knocked out."

We got into bed and finally, all seemed quiet. Only faint whispering and movement. It seemed too good to be true.

Unfortunately, it was.

"Reeerer.....Reerer.....Reerer.....Reeeeeeeerer......Reeeeeeerer...."

"I'll turn that car alarm off myself..." James said as he started getting out of bed.

"Lay down, baby. Here, take my earplugs...that will help."

He stopped for a minute and was actually assessing which was the lesser of the evils: smashing their car or taking the chance that if he died in his sleep, he would be found wearing hot pink earplugs.

He wisely decided that, quite accurately and contrary to all appearances, the hot pink earplugs were actually the manliest choice.

And thankfully, we have no more recollection of what else happened that night because we were fortunate enough that sleep finally found us.

More adventures to come...(Wait til you hear the rest of the story with our new neighbors!!!)

Camping: Part 2 - The Next Morning

Picking up where I left off from the last post, I decided to call it a night while James listened to his I-pod. Sometime in the middle of the night...er....morning, I heard this singing. Loud singing. Oh geez, James had I-pod on and was singing...sorta loudly...

I thought it might only be for a song...but then, it just kept going. I started getting stressed and anxious; our spot was secluded, but the neighbors weren't that far.

I was getting so antsy and worried that I finally dragged myself off the air mattress, out of the protection of my covers, and into the chilly morning air (It was probably about 55-60 degrees. In July).

I fumbled around to get myself out from the tent.

Ziiiip, ziiiiip.

My contacts were out, so I couldn't see more than a few inches in front of me. Being too lazy to find flip-flips to actually step out and talk to James, I stuck my head out of the zipper and sort of whispered...loudly, 'Honey, you are singing kind of loud!'

I couldn't tell if he heard me or acknowledged it...because I couldn't see anything. So, just in case, I repeated myself: "Honey, you are singing kinda loud! We have neighbors."

I didn't really wait for a response - one, because I couldn't see; two, because I couldn't hear (earplugs). So I zipped myself back in and tried to go back to sleep. At this point, I'm freezing, tired, cranky....

James joined me a little later, and we slept in. I found out later that he never heard me; he just filled in what he didn't hear: he thought I said that I was mad that he was up late and that I wanted him to come to bed (Not the case at all, actually - just concerned about the neighbors; I'm pretty used to his nocturnal ways).

Well, in his classic self-redemptive way, he used this marital miscommunication to capitalize on a fortuitous comedy opportunity and developed it into this "demon-woman" routine.

"So, I hear this angry 'zip, zip' - and then this demon woman comes out of the tent.{Insert claws, scary demon snarl and scary demon face here} She comes out with this crazy hair and angry look and she hisses, 'Kkkkkkkkk' and then she turns around and 'zip, zip'. Back she goes into her lair..." he said with this self-satisfied chuckle.

Anyway, he seemed pretty impressed with himself and his joke and kept going. And going. And repeating it. And gave himself a good laugh. Every time. Several times. Over and over.

Obviously, that image didn't go over well with me and he stopped. Finally. Demon-woman...pleeeease!!! He has not even come close to seeing demon-woman from me!

Finally, mid-morning and groggy, we got up. I didn't really know the lay of the land yet, and I really had to pee.

"Just go in the woods," James said.

Now, I have been on many missions trips and have had to pee in the craziest foreign 'bathrooms' (I use that word loosely), so I wasn't opposed to this. But I could kind of hear voices around us, and I didn't know just how close our neighbors actually were.

Well, I went to the most private corner of our circle and dropped 'em. Just as I finished my business, I heard these voices getting dangerously close. Then, around the bend, this little band of Asian children appeared. What the.....???

Turned out they were at the group area of the campground which was right next to us,and they were exploring a dried-up riverbed that ran right behind our site. Well, let me tell you, if they had been about 15 seconds earlier, they would have discovered way more than I am sure they were looking for.

At the same time, James went to set up the little propane burner to make some coffee. "All I want is a cup of coffee." And I am feeling good right now: we have coffee, we have a camping coffee pot.

Well, James went to set up the burner... and...the propane container didn't fit.

"Is this the one that goes with this stove?"

"Well, it was near it in the store."

"Did you ask anyone?"

"Well....there was no one around to ask. I was kind of in a rush. I didn't know there was more than one kind."

Silence.

"All I wanted was a cup of coffee...."

OK, nix the home-brewed coffee. We knew the general store on the grounds had fresh coffee, so the general store to the rescue (several times that weekend, actually. I owe them a lot, including my marital cohesiveness for the weekend).

Well, in spite of our rough beginning, once we set up our tent and our area, got the batteries, the right propane, the wood for the fire and our cure-all - coffee, we started to settle into a rhythm for the weekend..

More adventures to come...

State of The Our Union: The First 90 Days

This Saturday marked 3 months of marriage marital bliss - the first 90 days. I figured it was a good time to look back and reflect just a little.

Many well-meaning people ask me all the time - 'So how's married life?' I am sure, most of the time, it is the courteous question to ask - very similar to the 'How are you?': polite to ask but they don't really want to know.

And honestly, I don't always want to tell. Again, I know they are well-intended and are assuming it has been marital bliss. But it is funny - because lots of people will tell you that the first year can be the most challenging, but when people ask how married life is, they just expect you to say 'It is so awesome!'

To complicate a very simple question even more, I am the kind of person who hates to answer, 'Fine!' 'Great!' to the 'how are you' question if my ENTIRE life is not fine or great. Most of it might be, but if there is even just one area that is not, I feel I am being dishonest by saying 'fine' or 'great.' That's just me- black and white, all or nothing. Can make life a little difficult. So I feel a little internal obligation to elaborate (not that I always do - I just feel it), even though the question really does just require a 'fine' or 'great.'

Anyway, I digress majorly. So, the 'How's married life?' question. The first 90 days:

In general, it has been great. I love living with James and having someone around to share a house with. Even with the hard stuff, I like my life so much more being married than single. Single life was good but I just prefer this - as do most people who marry; otherwise, they wouldn't marry. Duh.

It is definitely more work - more laundry, food shopping, cleaning, juggling schedules - and I can't really slack off like I would when I lived alone. But I like doing those domestic kinds of things, so I don't mind.

I have learned a lot about James by living with him, even though I feel like there haven't been any huge surprises. More like - he likes to fall asleep with the TV timer on or a CD or tape playing (usually the Bible or a sermon). He hates having the covers over his feet because they need to 'breathe'; he sometimes has a little bit of RLS (restless leg syndrome - real or imagined I'm not sure, but very real in our house) so settling into sleep is usually a production.

He doesn't eat dinner like regular people. Doesn't require dinner, doesn't always like to have it. So, I figured one of us would be cooking dinner every night...it's not as regimented as I thought.

I've learned what particular foods he likes to have in the house: potato or white bread, not wheat; never light mayo or half-and-half; shrimp and cheese-and-crackers are a favorite snack to keep in the house; white albacore tuna in water, not oil.

He likes to keep his toothbrush in the shower, he does not like to sit in the backyard at night with the lights on (doesn't want to disturb the neighbors). He likes the lines in the carpet when he vacuums, and sometimes he will re-vacuum after I do it because I didn't do the lines right.

These have been some of the fun discoveries.

It has been fun to be able to go away together. We didn't live together before we were married and we saved sex for after marriage, so we didn't really travel together while we were dating.

But it has been fun to plan some short weekend trips. We went upstate Memorial Day Weekend to go mountain biking and we are going camping this weekend for the 4th of July. It is so fun to pack and buy supplies and plan all that together (oh yeah - I definitely learned to have the route planned out AHEAD of time...even if he says he knows where he is going. I should know the route too - it is the job of the co-pilot, so I am told!).

Our relationship itself hasn't changed a lot - but in a way, it has - and it is. The commitment is deeper, and the ripple effects of our decisions (and moods and behaviors) are a lot closer now. The reality is sinking in that we are each other's family now and the first loyalty is to each other - not to our former families, former friends, former hobbies...although those are still in our lives. It is just that we didn't make a life-long covenant with any of these people or things, but with each other. We are one now. Everything we do affects the other.

I feel like we are a little clumsy in adjusting to this reality - we are all creatures of habit so it takes getting used to this - but I am sure in time it will be more natural.

Of course, there are always miscommunications - most of the time the disagreements are results of misunderstandings or not communicating clearly. So, I am having to learn better ways to adapt my communication in a way he understands. Men and women are so different so I feel like I am always taking mental notes when I notice something.

I am also learning that change happens slowly. I tend to be a pretty flexible and can adapt fairly quickly; change takes a little more of a "process" (his favorite word) for James. So even the pace of our adjustments is different - and I am sure the male/female traits are a part of that - so I have tried to keep that in mind too.

There have been other issues we have had to deal with that have made the first 90 days a little challenging and not exactly the way I imagined it would be. We are working through it, which is good, but there were times when honestly, I felt a little sad because I would say to myself, "We shouldn't be dealing with this kind of stuff in our first few months of bliss!"

But who is to say that? Everyone is different - every couple and everyone brings different issues and baggage to the table (myself included - and we all have it). Everyone's relationship and timetable looks different.

So I have had to grow up a bit too, and not act like a spoiled girl but a mature wife and support and encouragement to my husband. Which, by the way, is the whole point...not just to have all of my expectations fulfilled. This is life. This is marriage.

And probably the biggest thing I have learned is this: it's all about me.

Before you freak, this is what I mean: It is all about me - me growing and developing into a more mature, Christ-like person, a quality human being. It is all about me in the sense that I am responsible for myself and how I act and how I choose to change and grow - and that I cannot force that on someone else.

I cannot control James or what he does or doesn't do - how he chooses to grow and change - or even if he chooses to grow or change (He does both, by the way, but my point is that I can't force him). I can only control myself. It is up to me to choose how I handle my emotions, my upset, my state of mind, and what I perceive as right or wrong. It is up to me and God to handle my part of the relationship - and it is up to God and James to handle his part. It is not for me to micro-manage him just so I can arrange my life to be exactly what I want it to be.

I could write more about all this - and probably will at some point - but one bit of advice that I was told I would need to incorporate every day (and they were right) is this:

Always keep giving, always keep forgiving. Give and forgive.

And getting that one down has taken me at least the first 90 days.

So, my final thoughts on the first 90 days: Marriage is wonderful and can be all it is cracked up to be - but it is not for the faint of heart.

I See It...

...the end, that is. The end is in sight.

We finished classes on Monday....NYS Regents and finals this week and next...and then....done.

I am so looking forward to....just....breathing....

I was talking to my mom on the phone, filling her in on my summer plans, and as we talked, I realized the past 12 months have been a whirlwind. Almost entirely, nonstop.

About this time last year, I had to finish up school a week early because I was going on a trip to Morocco. So, I had to get my classroom cleaned out and my grades in a week early. That was crazy.

Then, I was in Morocco for almost two weeks.



About two weeks after I got back from Morocco, James proposed.




Enter: wedding planning mania.

When we decided on a March wedding, the wind speed starting picking up.



September, I'm back teaching - and planning a wedding:

Getting the dress...


finding a church (ours was being used for the Easter Passion Play)...

finding a reception site....


picking the dresses, flowers, and color schemes...


picking the invitations...



By November, enter: house hunting.



I am teaching, planning a wedding, and looking for a house.

By December, I am teaching, planning a wedding, getting the house inspected, finalizing the mortgage, going to contract...


I don't even think we took a break for the holidays. Maybe Christmas Day.



By January, I am teaching, prepping for the NYS English Regents (a brutal 6- hour-4-essay test), planning the wedding, closing on our house...


....and just about going crazy.

By February, on top of all that, we are moving James into the house...



packing up my apartment,

planning our honeymoon...

and now wedding planning stress is in full swing...

picking the tuxes...

going over the guest list and tables...

finding the right favors...


Throw in a few hair trials, make-up trials and bridal showers....

Honestly, there are no words.

Another month or so of this...constant motion right up until the night before - making and setting up the centerpieces....





And finally, it arrives:

March 26, 2010...it has all been leading up to this. It was all worth it.

April...we had our honeymoon, which was super-relaxing...but a degree of stress, only in the sense of the newness of and getting used to each other.






When we got back, I had to move all the rest of my stuff out of the apartment and into the house, unpacking, buying furniture, settling in, adjusting to a new routine and a new role as a wife...





And go back to work and catch up on everything I put off while I was....well,....see above.

By May, I am super-stressed at work - the normal end of the year crunch, on top of all my back-work I didn't do while planning the wedding, figuring out what job(s) I'll be working for the summer, applying and training for those jobs....

Not to mention that in order for two students to graduate, I have to find an additional 21 hours in my life to privately tutor them.

...which brings me to today - June 17.

I see it.

The end is in sight.

Classes are done.

I can do my grading in school instead of bringing it home every night.

I can take a few minutes to blog while my students are re-taking the regents.

My summer schedule is mostly worked out (3 different jobs, mind you, but when I leave at the end of the day, I leave) and I am actually seeing vacant blocks of time in the near future that aren't booked with something that has to get done.

This whirlwind of a 12-month time period is just about drawing to a close, and honestly, I couldn't.be.happier.

There have been these huge, monumental life changes in the past 365 days that I haven't even really had a chance to fully contemplate, dream about - or even really fully enjoy.

But, that is what is on my agenda for the next 75 days....