Dead and Gone...

My laptop, that is. It had a long life... got it almost 5 years ago and it will not turn on. Almost sounds like it fires up and then shuts off. Bummer~!

So, this time, I have a legitimate excuse for my blogging absence. But I have to say, it is refreshingly freeing not having a computer at home! I miss it, but I am realizing I can survive without it.

As for blogging...I can't really blog too much at work (unless it is a little free time now before our teacher's meeting) - but I think that there is a plan in this mishap somehow.

We'll see how it unfolds.

Til later, my girls...

But we are all well and busy, getting into the fall groove...

Back

To school, to routine...and hopefully to blogging.

The summer was so much more hectic than my school year, if that is even possible. But the routine, the schedule are back and I am in my glory. Even if it means my alarms goes off at 4:45 a.m.

My latest mission is to organize my life and prioritize. Trying to be very conscious of my time and how I manage it.

That has been a big switch since being married. I didn't think the time-factor would affect me all that much...James and I have never been the glued-at-the-hip type of couple. But living together, we do a lot more together (duh, obviously). But I guess I didn't anticipate not having as much time to just 'do what I do.'

I like it. A lot. But it's a work in progress. Trying not to put too much pressure on myself.

The latest in our world, post-summer:

James is finishing up one last college class, we are still getting (chiropractic) massages on Tuesday nights (the one good thing about his health insurance), the stray kitty we brought to the clinic to get spayed is pregnant, I am back in full swing teaching (and loving the fact that I am not planning a wedding at the same time), I am going to do a Beth Moore Bible study on my own (well, with my sister maybe), I go back to the nutritionist this after (5 lbs lighter) and we are zumba-ing at school on Fridays.

Oh, and baby sister is pregnant! Which has gotten me thinking....

Hope to be 'back' for good.

I Had Such High Hopes...

...for the summer, that is. Not excessively grandiose, but some things I really thought I would be able to accomplish and feel good about it. Some I touched (barely), others...not so much.

Here is my report card (you can take the teacher out of the school but you can't take the school out of the teacher...)

1. Fitness - I didn't really exercise a ton more, but I got the gyms a few times, did some mountain biking and kayaking. And I did go to zumba class 3x! (We are starting a class with the teachers after school, too Whoo- hoo!) I went to a nutritionist 2 weeks ago and I have been making some good life-styles changes (and lost 5 lbs of the post-wedding gain!), so I feel like I made some progress.

2. Nesting - none at all. Zero. I did not paint one wall or hang one picture. Just didn't have it in me. Just didn't feel like making any more decisions or anything that required thought! Planning the wedding wiped me out! lol I did plant some hostas that a friend gave me...but only because they would die if they didn't get planted immediately - and I couldn't waste a friend's generous gift.

3. Spiritual - my saddest disappointment. I didn't get on track like I wanted to. Not sure how to resolve that yet. I struggled with what to do for a Bible study or what to read in my quiet time. I do better with structure, but my mornings were erratic this summer with my three jobs, James' schedule, getting up at a different time every day. I just couldn't find my rhythm...but I still felt Him close to me in spite of my short-comings. We did have some moments...

4. Marriage - I didn't spend a lot of time reading like I wanted to. I started Sacred Marriage and flipped through a few others, but didn't get through any of them. James did order us a marriage series on DVD, so I am excited for that. But I didn't 'book-learn' like I wanted to.

5. Blogging - Well, that's obvious. :(

As you can sadly see, my last post was almost a month ago. :(

But I had so many stories to tell (and good ones!) I have a handful of half-written drafts saved that never made it to the page. It wasn't even the 'perfectionist-in-me' that kept them from being posted.

Honestly? Time and energy.

The three jobs this summer wiped.me.out. The continual adjustment to marriage took more time than I had anticipated (in a good way). Some of it was just being lazy...summer does that to me after a school year of teaching, especially this past year.

Hopefully, a few of those posts will make it out here, at some point. I am still struggling to see where and how blogging fits in my life. I love it ...but the hours in a day just don't seem to cooperate. I'm not giving up yet, though...

6. Friends - I did get to catch up with a few friends I haven't seen in a while, so I feel pretty good about that. Not all, but a few. And that counts.

7. Professional - Nope, not so much. I did a little work while I was working in the school office this summer, so that was super-helpful and got me caught up, if not ahead. So, at least I'm starting the year on level ground.

8. Fun and Relaxation -Now that I think about it...yeah, we did that :) We went away a few weekends, spent lots of nights BBQing in the backyard or watching moving, going out to eat, taking drives, playing yahtze, speculating our future plans...

And actually, now that I reflect on it...that probably was the most important thing I could have done this summer: spend time with my husband, building a strong foundation for our relationship. We had a lot of stress and anxiety going into the wedding - and the end of the school year was stressful for me as well. It was so nice to just enjoy each other. I remember feeling relaxed with James and laughing a lot. I definitely feel like we got closer and became more of a team.

I had such high hopes for the summer. Like I do every summer. And I think that this summer, I am going to do it, no matter what! Well...

You win some, you lose some. And that is just how it goes.

The Marriage of Mr. Random and Ms. Routine

I've thought for about a week or so what I was going to blog about next - and I've got a bunch of thoughts and ideas (which inevitably come when I'm driving)

....and I think I hit a slump. :(

I felt a little better when a few of my favorite blog writers have been a little lax in posting as well. Maybe not for the same reason, but I was a little relieved that at least my irregularity in posting lately has good company.

I hate to blame everything on the adjustments of being married (and blame isn't really the right feel I'm going for), but I sort of feel like blogging is just one more thing I can't seem to a get a rhythm in. I just can't seem to find my groove in anything lately.

I'm a teacher and a routine-addict by nature, so being 'off' for the summer is, ironically, a little hard for me (if you could call having 3 jobs 'off'). I guess what I mean is the irregularity is hard for me. I feel like I even need to plan my free time.

I like my world to function in routines, in systems, in structures...I guess that is easier when you are single, when you are in control (or at least have the illusion of control) of your own world.

I don't mean James is in control of my world now (although sometimes he likes to think he is :) ) but just the awareness of someone else to consider in just about everything...well, it takes getting used to.

And James is the total opposite of a routine-guy. He is Mr. Random. He likes to 'feel' what we should do next...and see how things 'evolve.'

I am learning to find the joy in that and actually, when I let myself, it is sort of refreshing to let go of control of all my micro-managing (at least, the micro-managing I do in my mind). I'm finding fun in the spontaneity and just letting a day 'evolve' or seeing where we end up. And it has resulted in some cool excursions and experiences.

I'm struggling a bit with wanting to prioritize my marriage and our relationship - and finding time to do some of the things I enjoy - and need to do also. Now, James doesn't keep me from this...it is probably just some of the internal conflict inside of me. Add perfectionism to my routine-addiction- and....well... I guess I like routines because I like to do everything right.

Which leads me to my slump in blogging. The perfect post, the perfect topic, the perfect voice...which equal a blog that never gets posted.

I know, I need to break that mind set.

So, in the spirit of breaking out of my rut and perfectionism and releasing my claw grip on my-so-called-structured-life...

...in learning just to 'be' and sometimes just let things 'evolve', even if it is not planned and perfect....

I am posting this blog 'as-is'.

Reasons Why I Should Divorce Facebook (But I Probably Won't)

OK, so I will be the bad guy and say what I am sure many of us are thinking about Facebook. I, for one, admit, that I have this love/hate, addictionto/disgustwith Facebook. At the same time I am both annoyed by it and magnetically sucked into it.

So, here are some reasons, in no particular order, why I should divorce Facebook (but I probably won't):

10. Annoying Attention Seekers: These can be both positive and negative, but their status updates scream, "Everyone! Hey Everyone! Yoo -hooo! Look at me!"

It could be positive attention, sounding like: "My husband wastes so much money! I got flowers again for the 10th day in a row! (heart). I wish he wouldn't spend so much on me!" I mean, come on - what is the purpose of this? We are all smarter than that!

Or, it could be negative attention and sound something like this: "Why doesn't anything in my life ever go right? I must be cursed because my life just could not get any worse." I legitimately feel badly for this person, but what is the purpose of putting it on Facebook for everyone to see? Calling a good friend might be a better option? Now, this leads me to my next point:

9. Obligatory Commenting: Now that I have seen these above-mentioned posts (or birthdays or whatever), I usually feel obligated to comment. Even though that person might not know I have seen it, I know I have seen it - and I feel the pressure to say something. This can also be applied to people who comment on your wall or send you messages. Now typically, people who comment and whose comments we see are people we have 'friended' - but sometimes the source of this problem is this:

8. Awkward Friend Requests: Someone found you. And you didn't necessarily want to be found. What do you do with that??? Do you become friends with them out of obligation? Decline? Ignore? I admit, I usually take the cowardly way out and just do nothing. I don't accept, ignore, or decline; I just keep the request hanging out there in cyber FB. But honestly, I don't really want to invite anyone into my personal world that I am not comfortable having in there. Not that I am hiding anything, but you just never know. And as a teacher, I get a LOT of friend request from kids in my school that I do not even know. Don't want to hurt their feelings, but sorry...

7. Useless Minutia:

Status update - "Hey, I am going out for a run!"
30 minutes later: "What a great run! Now I gotta feed the dog!"
4 minutes later: " Junior is such a cute pup! I'm so lucky to have him!"
2 minutes later: "Going to make myself an egg-white omelet."

Do we really need to know about every.single.detail of a person's life in minute-by-minute intervals? Can I just say what most of us are thinking : "Who cares!!!!!!"( Is that mean???)

6. 700 Pictures of the Family Vacation: I am all for sharing pictures, but is it necessary to include every.single.shot. from Disney World? Do you think people are really going to look at all 700? Just a few of the highlights will suffice. Which leads me to my next point, which is even more annoying:

5. Endless Array of Self-Portraits: I mean, what are we doing here? If not for everyone to look at us, why - not only just take a thousand shots - but post them??? Does everyone need to see every picture a person has ever taken of him/herself? With every slight variation possible? 'Here's one of me with my head to the right, smiling.' 'Here is one of me with my head to the left, smiling.' 'Here's one of me with my chin tilted up, just slightly...' etc, etc, etc. The one that drives me crazy: that pucker-face-bad-girl-pout-with-slanted-peace-sign-across-the-chest-look. Don't mean to offend anyone, but grrrrrr!! I can understand if you are a teenager- maybe even a college student- but you are 45!!!!

4. Obsessive Profile Picture Changes: I don't understand why people change their profile pictures every other day. Have you really changed that much? I am fine with updating pictures in your album, but does everyone need to see a new picture of you every day?

3. Colossial Time Waster: Enough said. I am so guilty of this. My night usually goes something like this: "OK, it is 9:38 pm. I am only going to stay on Facebook until 9:45" (it has be an easily-rounded time, of course). And, typically, one page leads to another... and then I am saying, "OK, just until 10pm. I'll give myself 15 more minutes and then that's it!" Repeat this process several times through out the day, and I am frightened to see how much time I've wasted.

2. Creepers: These people just seem to know too much about people's lives. It's true, there are some people I've accepted as friends that I probably would have preferred not to, but it seemed harmless at the time. However, there are some people that sort of have this creepy-stalker-quality to them and based on conversation (or messages) with them at later points, it just seems they were a little too interested... In their defense, yes - I put it out there, and I accepted the friend request but...OK, fine, this one is probably my own fault, then.

1. Too Much Information: This could be in wall posts or pictures - but some details of life should really just be kept private - or at least only revealed to those who know us best. Some things are just better left unsaid - and some pictures (both mental and actual) are better left unseen by the outside world. I would say my students are guilty of this alot. Did you forget that you have teachers as friends? Did you really want your teachers to see that? Or know that? Especially when you are soliciting answers for tomorrow's homework. And more often than not, seeing my students' - both current and former - FB page has made me sad at some of the directions they have taken.

So, these are reasons why I should divorce FB. So, why don't I? Well, even though I have been guilty of some (or all) of these at times, maybe I'm a little nosy? Don't want to be out of the loop? And honestly, I do like it to keep in touch with far-away-friends - and close-by ones who I can't keep in touch with the way I'd like to.

I have even been able to re-connect with some old friends I never would have otherwise. I actually just had an ice-cream date with my best friend from 3rd grade who found me on FB. Hadn't seen her in about 25 years. And that was awesome.

It's nice to be able to keep up with people. I like being able to message my sister here and there through out the day and know some of the little details of her and my nieces. Sometimes some posts are thought-provoking. And sometimes it is a very fast, effective way to communicate quickly and to a lot of people.

And sometimes, I think God can use us to encourage or pray for some of those posts we see, annoying or not. And sometimes, someone will post a thought or a verse that we really needed to hear.

The downside is ...well...all of the above... And sometimes, it can take the place of real, face-to-face relationships with these people - or even the people who are actually in our lives because we are consumed with FB.

Overall, my biggest complaint is the narcissicism it can breed. Sometimes, I feel like people use FB to just scream, "LOOK AT ME!!!!" The sad thing is that I feel like that is so indicative of our culture. We are so self-obsessed. Me, me, me. As much as I loathe it, I sometimes find myself getting swept into that current and guilty of some of the same things I hate.

If anything, FB sometimes forces me to keep it real with myself. Katie, be careful not to look at the speck in my FB friend's eye while I have a big, fat plank in my own (yes, I even did that pucker-bad-girl-pose with some of my students a few years ago, now that I think about it).

Maybe I should re-read my own list and I'll get back to you later...

PS - Don't forget that today is New Friend Friday at my sister's page- The Girl Creative!

A Year Ago, It All Started...

So, this weekend, James and I celebrated our 'engagement anniversary.' (For the record, James says we can only celebrate it this year. He says he cannot be responsible to remember more than one anniversary date.)

On July 18, 2009, we got engaged (full story here) and so it all began.




And since then, it has been a 12-month whirlwind (you can read about that here).

Our engagement day was actually one of our happiest - we got engaged at Montauk Point at sunrise.

It had been my hope that maybe we could go back for the weekend, but money, time and energy prevented it. Part of me wanted to push and make it happen (I am all about making memories), but the practical side won out.

But we had a great day...went out for breakfast (like we did the morning we got engaged), did a little shopping, ran a few errands (James got glasses! He looks like a such a wonderfully smart and handsome nerd! lol...He can't wait to bring them to work and use the pseudo-intelligent look to his advantage! He is the ultimate spin-master and can use anything to his advantage.)

And our night was topped off by seeing the L.I. Philharmonic in the park - VIP tickets and all (well, that just means better parking and sitting close up. In chairs. And being able to use the luxury trailer porter-potties, which, actually, were really nice. And you know how frequently I am in need of a good place to pee. Couldn't just go in the woods this time.)

Well, we actually just spread our blanket in the corner anyway, and...

with some great music...

and good friends...

a little wine-cheese-and-crackers by moonlight ....

and a top-of-the-line-fireworks show....


we celebrated our engagement.

It was cool to look back and see all that has transpired in the past 12 months. I am definitely one of those annoying people who frequently says things like, "This time last year, we were...." 'This time last year...we just got engaged. And now, just a year later, the wedding is behind us, we bought a house, and we have been married for 4 months now. Who would have thought last summer, that this time, just a year later, we would be married for 4 month, the wedding would be behind us and we would have bought a house???'

Back then, it was all just so nebulous and vague. There was no way we could have predicted how the year would unfold. But in retrospect, God just put the pieces in place in a way we could have never planned if we tried.

So, in the only year that I get to celebrate my engagement...we made the most of it. And it definitely feels different now that we are married, and not just dating. And not just engaged. I've reflected on this before, but our relationship just seems more real, more solid, more substantial and tangible. Like we are a solidified team. Committed. A family. Part of each other. Marriage does that.

And we actually went down to Great South Bay and stayed there til the sun came up (even though I hate staying up late!). In all honesty, it was kind of a deep night in the way of sharing. Not all of it easy...but it was good. Because, like it is supposed to do - I think it brought us closer. More of the nitty-gritty-talking-things-through that people should do in relationships to keep it honest, real and intimate. And although I don't think it was really tied up neatly with a bow by the morning, it felt good to do it. And I am glad we did. And I know it makes us stronger.

The cherry on top was that we saw this enormous sun rising as we drove home. I mean it was huge!!! Took up the whole horizon and it was this crazy mix of pink and orange both at the same time (Camera batteries were dead. #$%$#%^&!!) But I said to James this was the sunrise we should have gotten on our engagement morning (we got engaged at sunrise but it was a cloudy morning...no actual sun).

I sort of thought it was kind of symbolic in the way that there will always be new beginnings in relationships, fresh starts and new things to come. It's always a new day.

Camping Part 4: The Final Episode

After sleep finally found us, we got up pretty early because we had a 9am date with the kayak people. As I went to the jeep, I saw the neighbors up and about...I tried to look normal and have a natural smile on my face, but all in all, I just avoided eye contact. I had no animosity, really, (no, really) towards them, but I just thought it best to steer clear altogether.

We had a great 4th of July kayaking down the Delaware Water Gap. Picture perfect, so I'll just let the pictures tell the story:

Here we are before we start our 4th of July Kayak Trip (about 8 miles or so)



That's my man! I love this picture of him!



The guide had told us to stay to the right of the island because it was too shallow on the left.
Guess who just had to go left???

I didn't go left, so I busied myself on the island by taking a pee break (of course)
and taking pictures of myself while I waited for him.


Some sights along the way:

Nice 4th of July Surprise for those on the water!


A bald eagle! On 4th of July! Perfect!

Dingman's Bridge, right by the campground. Almost there.
And I was just about done by this point.

So, this was Sunday. We were both off for July 5th, and James was off for July 6th as well. All weekend he had been trying to convince me to call my two summer jobs (both of which I was starting my summer hours on the 6th) to see if I could skip Tues. I was sort of on the fence - at least about calling and asking - but once we got the new neighbors, James sort of lost his enthusiasm for the extra day.

Checkout was noon the next day, but he was hoping we could go for a hike in the morning and then check out later on on Monday, so we could use the showers.

After kayaking, we stopped at the general store to find out about it. Now, I was waiting in the car and James went in. After a few minutes of waiting, a guy wearing a 'Staff' T-shirt came storming out, spewed more than a few choice words, got into the camp van, slammed the door and sped off, leaving the trail of dust behind him. All I was thinking was, 'Oh my gosh...what did James do???'

Then,another younger guy came out next and went over to the girl who had been standing outside with her dog. I heard him say:

"Yeah, that guy who was on the other side of that tent was talking to the owners about the people who came last night. Turns out they aren't even allowed to be here. They never registered or paid."

OK, so that explained the angry guy.

The girl said, "See? I told you we should have said something about them! We are too easy!"

Well, it turned out the young couple were actually from site 3, the other people unfortunate enough to be on the opposite side of our new neighbors. In just another minute, James walked out and I grilled him: "What just happened in there?"

"Well, I was asking about us staying the extra half day, seeing if anyone was registered to be in our site tomorrow night. I told them that we had contemplated staying another day, but we weren't crazy about our new neighbors. The guy had a weird look on his face and said, 'What new neighbors?' I told him, 'The people who showed up late last night at site 4...with all the cackling and yelping.' The guy said, 'There is nobody registered to be at site 4. That site is empty.' So I said, 'Well, it's not empty now.'

And that was where I saw the angry staffer storm out. So....after all the upset the night before, those people had snuck in without paying or registering????? After the shock of their audacity sunk in, their stupidity soon followed.

I mean, if you are going to sneak in someplace, wouldn't you try to be as inconspicuous and quiet as possible???? Why would you draw unneeded attention to yourself??? Maybe they had done this before and no one had ever found out???

I told James about the guy I had seen leaving, and then about the young guy and girl and what they had said. James later told me that when he went to talk to the girls the night before, he heard someone from site 3 unzip their tent window - I guess to watch and listen. Apparently, we weren't the only ones disturbed.

So, when we got back to our site, we had missed the altercation, but our neighbors at site 4 were soon to be our neighbors no more. They were packing up- I guess they got the boot. I kind of felt bad, but then, I didn't. They had done something dishonest - and disturbed the honest, paying people while doing it. That's what happens.

And we hadn't turned them in on purpose. We were just looking to see if we could stay an extra day. James didn't intentionally get them in trouble; but it was a good idea for the owners to know that some of their guests (well, freeloaders) were disturbing other (paying) guests.

Besides our adventures with our neighbors, we had another bit of excitement: we saw a bear! Well, James did. He has eyes like a hawk and can see anything. I grabbed my camera, which has a killer zoom, and this is what I got:

I know it looks like a brown blur, but I promise! It was a bear!

In a returned state of peace and serenity, we finished out our last night grilling steaks after a long day on the water, hanging out by the fire and listening to music on our CD player with all 8 C batteries. I even pushed myself to stay up as late as James was - which was sometime around 3 am (and I hate staying up late!).


The next morning, we got up after sleeping in a little, packed up camp and headed home. Here is our friend at Dingman's Toll Bridge. This was really how they took the toll! She did not look happy.

So, all in all, I'd say a successful first camping trip. With all of the bumps, upsets, and unexpected disturbances, we still love each other - and actually - we still like each other. And we'd do it again. And honestly, I think it served us well. Not only did it give us time to just hang out uninterrupted and doing some things we love, we had lots of time to talk and contemplate, which we don't always have the luxury of. I felt like we were closer for the experience.

So if camping really tests the strength of a marriage, I think we are off to a pretty decent start.



{PS - Be sure to visit the Girl Creative for New Friend Friday. Buttons on right :) }