The Silver Lining

I am still trying to find it. Yes, it has been one of those days. It started with a bad dream I woke up from early this morning...I had this dream that James and I were fighting, and he just would not talk to me! I kept trying to resolve it, and he would just walk away and ignore me! It was terrible!

When the fog cleared and I realized it was only a dream, I still had this heaviness on my heart. Then I remembered...last night, I had gotten an email from a bridesmaid who wasn't sure if she could be in my wedding anymore. I totally understood the reasons, but I just felt so deflated [It might still work out, but it's just a bummer].

I rolled out of bed, got my cup of coffee, journaled for a little while and then checked my email. Well, in it was a totally unexpected email from a very close friend who was apparently very upset with me about something pertaining to the wedding 'bring a guest' issue.

'You aren't serious, right???' was all I could think. And this wasn't the first time this issue had come up either. Didn't people get it when you are paying for a wedding yourself and you have to cut even close friends and other family members because you can't afford to invite them???

Slowly, my enthusiasm was draining.

And, by around 1pm, I got the bad news: my bridal shower, that was supposed to be tomorrow, was being canceled due to the threat of snow. We are in a precarious stretch of this East Coast storm, where we could get a lot or nothing. But they couldn't risk it - so they postponed it until 2 weeks later.

At that point, I was just done. This was too much for me - too much drama, too much work. Where was all of this experience that people blog about saying how much fun wedding planning is? I keep waiting for it to get fun. It hasn't been. I know that is sad to say, but I don't know if it has been fun yet. I know the end result will be great, but this process hasn't been.

In the grand scheme of things, I know this isn't a huge deal. The bridal shower will happen [and even if it didn't, it's not the end of the world - alot of people have it far worse. I know.] The wedding will happen, and the people who care enough about us will be there. But I just didn't anticipate all this. It's not fun. I keep waiting for it to be fun.

So, trying not to camp out in the land of sulky-poor-me-feel-sorry-for-me, I'm off to find the silver lining. I know it is there. And I know that there have been some alot of good things that have happened through all of this. I know that, for sure. And deep in my heart, I know things will all work out and there are reasons for everything. I know everything will be fine.

But is it OK if I look for it tomorrow? I know I shouldn't camp out here, but I might just lie down and take a nap for a little while. I'll be over this spot by morning and will be ready for some new scenery. And I'm sure the world will look a little brighter by then.

silver lining n.
A hopeful or comforting prospect in the midst of difficulty

Yeah, it's there. It's definitely there. But a little sleep might help me see it better in the morning.