A Year Ago, It All Started...

So, this weekend, James and I celebrated our 'engagement anniversary.' (For the record, James says we can only celebrate it this year. He says he cannot be responsible to remember more than one anniversary date.)

On July 18, 2009, we got engaged (full story here) and so it all began.




And since then, it has been a 12-month whirlwind (you can read about that here).

Our engagement day was actually one of our happiest - we got engaged at Montauk Point at sunrise.

It had been my hope that maybe we could go back for the weekend, but money, time and energy prevented it. Part of me wanted to push and make it happen (I am all about making memories), but the practical side won out.

But we had a great day...went out for breakfast (like we did the morning we got engaged), did a little shopping, ran a few errands (James got glasses! He looks like a such a wonderfully smart and handsome nerd! lol...He can't wait to bring them to work and use the pseudo-intelligent look to his advantage! He is the ultimate spin-master and can use anything to his advantage.)

And our night was topped off by seeing the L.I. Philharmonic in the park - VIP tickets and all (well, that just means better parking and sitting close up. In chairs. And being able to use the luxury trailer porter-potties, which, actually, were really nice. And you know how frequently I am in need of a good place to pee. Couldn't just go in the woods this time.)

Well, we actually just spread our blanket in the corner anyway, and...

with some great music...

and good friends...

a little wine-cheese-and-crackers by moonlight ....

and a top-of-the-line-fireworks show....


we celebrated our engagement.

It was cool to look back and see all that has transpired in the past 12 months. I am definitely one of those annoying people who frequently says things like, "This time last year, we were...." 'This time last year...we just got engaged. And now, just a year later, the wedding is behind us, we bought a house, and we have been married for 4 months now. Who would have thought last summer, that this time, just a year later, we would be married for 4 month, the wedding would be behind us and we would have bought a house???'

Back then, it was all just so nebulous and vague. There was no way we could have predicted how the year would unfold. But in retrospect, God just put the pieces in place in a way we could have never planned if we tried.

So, in the only year that I get to celebrate my engagement...we made the most of it. And it definitely feels different now that we are married, and not just dating. And not just engaged. I've reflected on this before, but our relationship just seems more real, more solid, more substantial and tangible. Like we are a solidified team. Committed. A family. Part of each other. Marriage does that.

And we actually went down to Great South Bay and stayed there til the sun came up (even though I hate staying up late!). In all honesty, it was kind of a deep night in the way of sharing. Not all of it easy...but it was good. Because, like it is supposed to do - I think it brought us closer. More of the nitty-gritty-talking-things-through that people should do in relationships to keep it honest, real and intimate. And although I don't think it was really tied up neatly with a bow by the morning, it felt good to do it. And I am glad we did. And I know it makes us stronger.

The cherry on top was that we saw this enormous sun rising as we drove home. I mean it was huge!!! Took up the whole horizon and it was this crazy mix of pink and orange both at the same time (Camera batteries were dead. #$%$#%^&!!) But I said to James this was the sunrise we should have gotten on our engagement morning (we got engaged at sunrise but it was a cloudy morning...no actual sun).

I sort of thought it was kind of symbolic in the way that there will always be new beginnings in relationships, fresh starts and new things to come. It's always a new day.

Movin' Out - Part 3: The Morning After

So, yesterday, we closed on our house [insert excited squeal here]!

For those who missed the previous episode and are interested, you can catch up on part 1 and part 2.

I was a bundle of nervous energy all day, but I not only worked one of my jobs, but both. Everyone asked me 'How can you even work today???' It definitely helped me to stay productive distracted me from being nervous - and, well, if I don't work, I don't buy a house.

Everything went without a hitch. The lawyers were great, the owners were amazing (one of the nicest couples I have ever met...an older couple around 65-70 years old)...and there in the lawyer's office surrounded by a cloud of witnesses, James and I signed our life away for the next 30 years.

We went out for dinner to celebrate (yes, we still actually had a little something in our checking account) and then headed over to our house.

It was surreal as we pulled in, and I said to James, "Hon, this is our driveway... to our house..."

We went into the house, and inside the fridge was a bottle of wine from the owners. There really wasn't anything we could do just yet, but we just wanted to be there. (Well, we had our first hug in our new house :) . So we just parked ourselves on the living room floor and were just quiet for a while.

So many changes, all happening so fast. I am so thankful they are good changes, but changes none the less. I guess that is what I feel most unprepared for: this roller coaster of emotions. I just sort of thought I would float on puffy clouds through this whole wedding-marriage-home-buying process.

As I mentioned in my previous post, there is a bit of a back-story as to why it was so huge for us to get this house:

[I never want to share too much of James' business, so I will do my best to convey the story while respecting the fact that he is not blogging his life on the internet...]

James had something of a 'colorful' childhood as far as where he lived, home life, etc. He has lived in lots of different places, with different people, over the course of his childhood. And as you might guess, that's not really the most advantageous environment for a kid to grow up in. So, 'home' never really had the greatest connotations, if the concept even existed in his mind at all.

Our God is so redemptive and in spite of all the disadvantages he faced, he (with God's help) has made his life something to be proud of. I certainly am, and I know God is, too.

Ok, back to the house...well, the apartment James has lived in for the past 8 years is the longest he has ever lived in one place. And he LOVES the area he rents in (which happens to be a bit pricey). And as one might conjecture, that has become 'home' for him. The idea of leaving a place that a person has grown so attached to is hard, even if it is a good change. So, when we were discussing where we would live, you can imagine some of the inner conflict.

Now when the possibility presented itself to us to buy a house, I so wanted this for James. I wanted us to have a chance to not only have a place where we could settle and not have to move in a year, but one that would be his own home. To me, it just seemed so right and redemptive that, at the start of our marriage, he would be able to begin his new life with something he never had before - something so integral to it.

So, when we found this house, I wanted this so badly for him. It's small and modest (we're OK with that) but most importantly, it would be ours. Not only did it seem like something we would really be happy with, but it was only 2 miles from where he lives now. And liked I mentioned, he loves this area. That is when I really started getting fearful that this wouldn't work out. I would have been more disappointed for him than for me.

In being an honest storyteller, I have to say that James never mentioned that this carried the same importance to him. It might just be my female conjecture, but I'm guessing some similar thoughts may have run through his mind too. But I know that I just wanted him to have the feeling of joy and safety and sanctuary that having a home that is your own to come back to each day brings.

I know, every couple would like to have a home at the start of their marriage. I agree. But for us, I just felt like there was a lot more riding on it; it was a lot more significant. But that's just me.

So when we signed those papers and drove into the driveway of our home, I was in awe of this new reality God had created for us. It all just seemed so providential. And - we found out that for a reasonable yearly fee, we actually have private beach rights to four different beaches! (I tell here how James feels about the beach and what it means to him. And actually, now that I think about it, it is so cool that God is giving us a new beach - and not just Cedar Beach - to be our beach.)

Last night before we left, we prayed together on our living room floor in our empty house and asked God to bless it and make it a home for us- with love and peace, that we would be a light to our neighbors, that this gift from Him to us would be consecrated to Him and used for His purposes.

So, the morning after, we are (still) smiling at His faithfulness.

"The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning ;
Great is Your faithfulness."

~Lamentations 3:22-23

Goodbyes - And Hellos - at Cedar Beach

This weekend, James and I spent a good amount of our time at Cedar Beach. If you know Long Island, the South Shore beaches are on the ocean, the North Shore beaches are on the Long Island Sound. South Shore has waves, wind, and that 'beachy' feel (typically crowded, too). North Shore has rocks instead of sand (mostly), no real waves - unless a boat is zipping by - but it does have serenity.

James has lived on the North Shore for many years, and if his time is added up, he probably has spent the equivalent of months of his life on this beach. For him, it is an oasis from the traffic, the rush, the chaos of L. I. He finds peace and solititude and a time to be alone with his thoughts. Time to just 'be.' (One of his most frequently-heard phrases - "Can't we just 'be'???"). There are crowded pockets (mostly near the restrooms), but mostly, solitude can easily be found if you want it.

This place has always had significant meaning for him. Before we met, like I said, this was a place he would go to just find peace and escape the madness of the world. He also spent a lot of time there when marriage was not even a blip on his radar - many years of hanging out with the guys and his friends. In some ways, Cedar Beach was a tangible symbol of his single life. It was his beach.

I actually spent some time at Cedar Beach before we met as well. My friend Liz lived in a cottage not far from there and we would go there, too. We'd sport the bikinis under our church clothes and pack the sand chairs in the back of the car. So, I have some fun memories of single life there as well. Not to the extent that James has, but I associate Cedar Beach with Liz and her cottage - and that is always an association of fun, carefree single days.

Cedar Beach actually plays a role in how we met. On the Friday night of Labor Day Weekend, 2007, James was home and spent some time in prayer about some things. The next day, his friend Rob (the one from the first blog) showed up at Cedar Beach with his girlfriend. James recognized immediately that there was something providential in his showing up there - a direct link to the prayers he had prayed the night before. It was so uncommon and out of the blue - Rob just should not have been there that day. Anyway, he ended hanging out with Rob and Angela that evening, and the next day, Rob invited James to come to church that Sunday - which was the Sunday we met (also detailed in the first blog).

So, what led us together actually had its beginnings at Cedar Beach. Since then, James and I have spent some special time there together. Typically, on a nice weekend, that is where we will find ourselves, often from morning til sunset - and sometimes even later than that. Sometimes, we'd even just leave our blankets and chairs there overnight and find them there the next day, still in the same spot, totally undisturbed. Or sometimes, we'd go down there for a walk on the beach, the pier, or the nature path - sometimes all three.

It has been a transition for him, incorporating me into a place that has been so significant to him in his single life (For James, it is all about the 'process' lol). He has realized that this is the last summer he would be at Cedar Beach as a single guy. Although I've been there with him many times and it has been great, for years this was his place. In some ways, that is bittersweet for him.

So, on this anniversary weekend for us - it was two years ago on Labor Day weekend we met - it seemed fitting and right that we spend some time at Cedar Beach. We didn't plan it - it just sort of 'evolved' (another one of James' favorite phrases: "Let's see how it evolves," lol).

It was a weekend of goodbyes - to the single life being left behind. It was a weekend of celebrating - the providential moments and meetings that brought us together. And it was a weekend of hellos- realizing that the next time we spend the day at Cedar Beach, it will be a brand new experience for us - as husband and wife. And that's exciting, too.

Cedar Beach represents a tangible lesson I'm learning since we have been engaged: it is a series of goodbyes and hellos. We are both a little older (he's 41 and I'm 35), and we have both been single a long time. Although we are super-excited for our new life together, it's a little daunting - and bittersweet - to say goodbye to a familiar, comfortable life you've always known. A life that did have measures of happiness, too.

It's goodbye to complete freedom, independence, self-indulgence - but also goodbye to loneliness, isolation, and alienation, too. It's hello to partnership, oneness, intimacy- but also hello to sacrifice, selflessness and interdependence.
I guess like any change, you have to let go of one thing to embrace another - and both the positives and the seemingly negatives. I have to say, though, I think we both gain more than we lose.

I think Cedar Beach is the link between worlds - between single life and our life together, between his world and my world. I think Cedar Beach has been significant in all of those worlds. It seems that all of our worlds have converged right on that beach.

Goodbye, Cedar Beach. For now. Mr. and Mrs. L. will see you next summer.

Breaking In My New Pair of Heels:Engagement Day -7.18.09

"The weather is a little questionable -you still want to go? And the Mets are on tomorrow..." "You don't want to go because of the Mets???" I asked in my sweetest sounding voice. "No, no - that's fine. Let's go. I'm sure the weather will be fine." "I think we should do it. I feel like if we don't go this weekend, we'll never get around to rescheduling." "OK. I'm gonna go to bed soon. I'll be at your house at 3:30 am. Call me around 2:45am to make sure I'm up."

And that was the plan: to get to Montauk Point in time to see the sunrise. This was something we had wanted to do last summer but never got around to it. So we finally just picked this weekend to go. There was a chance of rain on Friday night, but it was supposed to clear up on Saturday. We decided to go for it.

Three-thirty came, and we were off to a good start, minus the slow drivers on a 2-lane road at 4 in the morning [That's par for the course with James, though]. The only other glitch was that our last chance to get coffee came and went as we passed the Southampton 7-11. Who knew the rest of the Hamptons were too good for a 7-11? Point noted.

The bad drivers failed to deter us, and we arrived at Montauk Point Lighthouse well before the sun did. Coffee-less, we walked down to the shore and were happy to find it was dry, albeit foggy and overcast. We were hopeful that we might see some remnants of a sunrise. Me? I was just happy to be there with him, doing something fun and adventurous. While James was setting up the blanket, I start setting up my camera and timer to take some pictures. "Katie, can we just sit for a minute? Do you have to do that now?" "We hardly have any pictures of us. It will only take a second." He conceded. :) (See Exhibit A above).

A few shots later, James took out his Charles Spurgeon devotional, as is our custom. James read our morning devotion and then grabbed my hand to pray. I bowed my head and closed my eyes. I didn't hear anything. I opened one eye and looked at him with a question. "I was just making sure your eyes were shut," he said. [Earlier that week, we had been in a park eating lunch, and when he prayed for our food, he noticed that my eyes were open. 'Do you always do that?' he asked. 'Hmmm, sometimes.' 'Well, that creeps me out.' 'OK, OK - I'll close them.'] "They're shut."

James then proceeded to pray. After we said, "Amen," he said to me, "I have to ask you a question." Knowing that James often asks me questions that are either proceeded or followed by a mischievous smirk, with mild trepidation and slight impatience I asked, "What?" He reached behind his back, produced an open jewelry box and said, "I wanted to ask you if you would marry me."

Now it's funny, because subconsciously I think I've always had a picture in my mind of what this moment would be like: the background music would build and crescendo, we would both be in tears, and after his profuse declarations of love and adoration, I would sob, "Yes! Yes I will marry you!" (I'm not exactly sure who I inserted to play myself in this fantasy...who is this girl and where did she come from???)

But in actuality, the record screeched to a halt, and my brain struggled to absorb what was actually happening and tried to catch up. Oh my gosh. James just proposed. To me. He asked me to marry him - What do I do???? For a fraction of a moment, time in the real world froze, and I felt like an actress who stepped out of character for a second, lost her place and forgot her lines. Totally disoriented. Crap! What's going on? What am I supposed to be doing?? I didn't practice this! This isn't the way I rehearsed it! Where am I????

Now this had nothing to do with my feelings for James or because I didn't know the answer. I knew I loved James with all my heart and I knew that when he asked me this question, 100% my answer would be yes. But I just felt so unprepared. It was so unexpected. I was totally caught off guard. I felt like it was happening to someone else who was borrowing my body. For this split second, I didn't feel like me. This couldn't possibly be happening to me!

All of this culminated on the pinhead of a second, and just as quickly as I was flung into that alternate universe, I returned back to reality. Finding my voice, I looked at the man who had just proposed to me, hugged him and said, "Yes - I would be so happy to marry you."

We spent some more time on the beach, absorbing what had just taken place between us, and James filled me in to all of the devious maneuvering he had had to do in order to pull this off and surprise me: meeting with a friend who knew a jeweler - back in March, getting my dad's blessing while I was in Morocco, praying with our pastor and pre-covenant leader, and other various, assorted, ring-shopping excursions. Just the night before, when he said he was going to 'bed,' he really drove to Massapequa to get the ring and then to his mom's house to show it to her. Even the Mets were a sneaky little diversion.

All this time, I never knew it was coming. We hadn't talked concretely about dates, plans - nothing - and we never even once discussed a ring at all. Never once. He did this all on his own. And while I spent significant amounts of time worrying during his silences, I'm so glad I held my tongue and let him plan this himself. It meant so much more to me to find out all the forethought he put into it.
We finally left the beach to get breakfast and I was so excited - and so frustrated that there was no one to share our news with! I just wanted to tell strangers! So, at 6:30 in the morning, I couldn't wait anymore and sent the following text: "Just wanted to let you know - I have a beautiful new ring on my left ring finger!!!" And then the texts and phone calls slowly began to pour in as the rest of the world woke up. After breakfast at Mr. John's, we called my parents and my mom shouted, "I knew it! I just knew it! When I heard you were going to Montauk, I knew today would be the day!" And so it was.

The rest of our day evolved into becoming an all-day celebration of our engagement: hiking in Shadmoor State Park, finding a semi-secluded corner of the beach, driving around and exploring all different hidden places in Montauk. We even ran across these great Australian guys who tipped us off to this great place to catch the sunset. Even these guys were genuinely excited for us!

So, we finished our day by going to Sunset Saloon to get pina coladas and to see one of the most breathtaking sunsets I've ever seen. It more than made up for our missed sunrise. We grabbed some Chinese at Wok and Roll on our way out of town and then we had the fun of sharing our news in church the next day. One of the best things was that everyone seemed so genuinely excited for us.. Even on Facebook, the congratulations just flooded in...I was so overwhelmed and humbled by that. We felt God's smile on us the whole time.

And that is how we got engaged :)

I still find myself looking at my ring in disbelief. Did that really happen? Am I really engaged? Someone loves me enough to want to spend the rest of his life with me? My life feels surreal and foreign and scarily unfamiliar sometimes. Sometimes, I still feel like I'm on the outside looking in at someone else's life - but it's really mine. From the inside looking out, I feel like the awkward, fumbling, clumsy bride instead of the beauty-pageant-I've-been-groomed-for-this-my-whole-life bride. It doesn't feel familiar - or normal - to me yet. Not quite comfortable, but I love the discomfort of it, too. It's like those darn heels that just hurt so much when you first get them, but you love them so much you don't want to take them off and you just endure the pain. You know that if you just wear them long enough, soon they will fit like a pair of worn-in flip flops.

The bride-to-be I am is a little different than the bride-to-be I imagined I'd be. But it is getting more comfortable every day. And it almost doesn't matter anyway- because I'm sure that when I'm just about broken in, it will be time to trade in my flip flops, and there'll be a new pair of heels waiting.

Of Movies and Off Screen Moments

I love a good chick-flick, but here is what I hate about romantic movies: they never tell the whole story. I do believe in having true love, and I do believe happily-ever-after is possible. But I think the movies leave out a whole lot on how that happens. Now, in their defense, I know their objective is to #1 - make money, and #2 -entertain (yes, in that order) - and not to present a realistic image of or a"how-to" session on relationships. But I think that I, somewhere in my subconscious, formed the belief that relationships were supposed to be that easy and neat and clean.

Maybe that is why I loved writing those first two blogs. It was so surreal and movie-esque - and it really happened. To me. Like I couldn't believe God was actually writing this script and putting me - me - in the story. It really almost felt magical. And honestly, writing those two blogs was a bit therapeutic for me. It was a great reminder of God's providential hand in our union.

But I fear I'd be guilty of what the screen-writers do if that is all I say and just cut to the engagement. Not every moment of our relationship has played out like a fun, romantic comedy. So, I wanted to put in some 'off-screen' moments - along with the magical ones that would make the movie cuts - to hopefully tell a more realistic story of what God has written thus far:

• The holidays ('07). It was so wonderful to finally have someone to share them with. I remember how great it felt to walk into Thanksgiving Eve service with someone and not have to go alone. Giving Christmas presents, spending New Year's Eve together and having someone to kiss! Valentine's Day - he snuck into my classroom the night before and there were balloons and gifts and flowers on my desk.
  


• My struggle with missions. That winter ('07-08), even though God had given me a green light about staying, I still struggled with a lot of guilt about not going. That definitely dampened what should have been some of those wonderful first few months. My uncertainty stole alot of the joy of the moment. James was patient, but I know I wore him out at times.
  


• While I was away in Nicaragua (April '08) on a missions trip, he was back at home attending a marriage conference, getting himself ready for our future. That really impressed me.
  


• The spring learning curve ('08). About that time, more of our 'true selves' and our differences emerged, and we really had to start the 'work' of a relationship - communication skills, differences between men/women, our backgrounds, the baggage that comes with every person. And this was my first long-term relationship, so I felt really unprepared for how to navigate through a lot of that; I didn't really have a good gauge for knowing that a lot of what we were going through was just 'normal'. I'm a perfectionist, a deep thinker and at times, a catastrophizer - and when combined, they are a dangerous trio in a relationship.
  


• Nigeria (July '08). Oh, that was an amazing time for us! We grew so much closer through that experience. I was the team leader and this was his first trip. I was a little nervous, but it went beautifully! We had a great time serving the Lord together, and I remember being so proud of him when he preached in a church there. And, he later told me that seeing me in my element in missions is when he knew he was in love with me. I have such great memories of that trip.



• The fall learning curve ('08). Just more 'stuff.' A big lesson God taught me during that time was 'Love is patient, love is kind.' (I blogged about that). I remember going to see the movie 'Fireproof' with him, and God really pressed into my heart the tenacious side of love - less of the 'feelings' of love, but more of the selflessness of love - and the choice to love.
  


• Christmas break (Dec '08). We drove to Florida to visit my grandparents, and we had a great time with them. They loved him, and I loved how James fit right in with them and totally loved their stories and felt such a deep connection with them. We also had so much fun going kayaking, going to Miami beach, staying up all night on New Year's Eve and going to the beach and getting breakfast in the morning. Another great bonding experience for us.



• Precovenant Classes (Jan'09). James planned for us to take the pre-marriage classes. In my church, these are a pre-requisite to being married. He had told me in Florida that he hoped we would be engaged by the next year, but we both felt it would be smart to take these classes before we got engaged. They were good- but very heavy. It gave us a lot to think about - and again, more things to work and process through - individually and together. If I could think of a word to sum it up? Intense.




• The waiting (Spring '09). James would always talk about being on a 5-year-plan, so I never really knew if he was serious or just throwing me off. After the classes, we never really talked about engagement plans or anything like that. I never wanted to pressure him, and I wanted an engagement to be totally from his heart, without any coercion...so, that was a little bit of a hard time for me. I knew that he wouldn't have gone through all that trouble if he wasn't serious, but sometimes, my fears got the better of me. I spent more time worrying than I'd like to admit. My dangerous trio reared its ugly head on many occasions.
  
  


• His secret meetings (Spring/Summer '09). This was a good thing! Without me knowing, he took it upon himself to meet with our pastor, receive prayer for the upcoming meeting with my parents, call our pre-covenant leader for prayer, and speak to my parents. All of this was in preparation for our upcoming engagement/marriage (none of which I knew was coming!) He also was meeting with his jeweler friend to pick out the ring.

The next story I'll tell is the engagement. But I write this preface just to emphasize that this has been a journey of - and over - a lifetime, not a movie that is neatly resolved in 2 hours. It has had movie-esque moments - magical and surreal, and other times, it has been very real and challenging. But I think I speak for both of us when I say that our saving grace has been God's involvement and sovereignty over our story. There have been some key moments when we needed His intervention and help in one way or another- and truly, - and very thankfully - He wrote himself into the script. He truly is the Hero and Superstar of this story.

The journey is adventurous, scary, uncertain, breathtaking, frustrating, exciting, exhausting, exhilarating, and wonderful all at the same time. But my life with James is worth every minute of it, and we happen to have a fantastic Writer who knows exactly how the story should end - and knows just how to make that happen.

Missions, Marriage and the Providence of God

There's actually a lot more to the story between meeting the Border's Guy and the ring on my finger.

Let me give a little history. Probably 2 years before I met James, I had a pretty intense time with the Lord...God brought me to utter honesty with myself, and through that, I fell in love with Jesus like I never had before. This was on the heels (as it usually is) of significant heartbreak. During that time, I brought before the Lord the question of moving overseas. Missions had grown to be a big part of my life, and I really wrestled with whether or not He wanted me to go into full-time foreign missions. During that 2 yr time, I had pursued teaching overseas, but God closed that door when I took guardianship of my nephew Mike, who was 15 at the time. My plan was that when Mike graduated (in '08), I would pray again and see what God would have me do.

Well, in the summer of '07, I went on a trip to Brazil and when I got home, I was really feeling like I should pursue missions once again. Mike would be graduating the following spring and I felt like I needed to start planning. So, I was ready to just jump in and start looking for opportunities. As I was about to embark on that, I clearly sensed God say to my heart, 'Katie, give me a chance to order your steps." So, I just felt to be still for a bit and see what God would bring to me.

Not long after that, I met James in church. Within weeks, I was completely in a tailspin. Was this from God? Was this a distraction? Should I not even get to know him? Would I fall in love and then God would send me away? Did this mean I didn't love Jesus? I felt tortured in my heart the more I got to know him. I definitely sensed something between us, but I was so afraid of the potential conflict between following my feelings and obeying God. Was it too much to hope that maybe they were the same thing?

I spent a lot of time praying about it, and all along the way, God used many different ways to encourage me to keep going forward (this article, for example). But I still felt so guilty. I had told James from the beginning that moving overseas was a possibility for me, but he felt peace about us continuing to go forward and just trusting God.

By November, my heart was so tortured that I knew I had to put it out there and see what God wanted me to do. One Sunday, our pastor gave a message about persevering and doing the will of God. I felt so confused because I didn't even know what that was for me. So, I went up for prayer and just laid it out before God. "Lord, show me your will and I will do it, whatever it is. If you want me to go overseas, then I will go. If you want me to stay and pursue this with James, then I will do that. Please just make it clear to me. I can't hear you in my heart because I'm so confused and conflicted. Please show me in some other way." A woman at the front prayed for me, and she encouraged me to just trust the Lord and that He would make it clear.

Following that service, James had mentioned to me that he really wanted to go on a short-term trip the following summer. I encouraged him to do it; as for me, I didn't know if that was something I'd be doing; I could be planning to move overseas at that time - for good. On our way out of church, we ran into Jim and Victoria, a young married couple who was on the short-term committee. I asked them if the trips for next year had been planned, and they said, no, they hadn't been planned yet. James said to them, "You know, I'd really like to go to Nigeria." They joked and said, "Katie, you should lead a team to Nigeria, then." [Jim and Victoria told me after the fact that they had said this to me. I had no recollection of this.] So, that was that...for the moment.

So, nervously I waited for the answer that week. I remember having a conversation with my parents about all this that Monday night. I told them about church and they said, "But Katie, you teach in a Christian school. You are doing missions!" I agreed, but I couldn't pretend that I hadn't been thinking about moving overseas before I met James. I had to see what God wanted me to do.

Well, the next day, I was about to walk into my missions class that I teach when I heard someone calling my name. "Katie! Katie! Miss Mauro! Miss Mauro!" I turned and saw that it was Pastor Rich, our missions pastor, and John Long, head of the short-term missions committee. "Katie, we just heard from the Lord!" they said, half-joking, half-serious. Oh gosh, here it comes...my heart froze and my eyes opened wide. "Katie, we are taking a team to Nigeria next summer and we want you to lead it!"

Everything started spinning around me as their words sunk in. Short term trip. To Nigeria. They wanted me to lead it. Wait - James wanted to go to Nigeria. Oh my gosh...my answer! It wasn't either/or - missions or James. Here it was - God was giving me both! This was what He wanted me to do in missions. It wasn't to go overseas for good. For now, the plan was to lead the short-term team to Nigeria.

I gave James the news that Wednesday, and a smile came over his face as he processed all of those details and the ramifications sunk in. And, it was that Saturday - December 1st - that James officially asked me to date him exclusively.

It took a while for this answer to prayer to really sink in - that it really wasn't God's will for me to move overseas. But thankfully, later that school year, God made it clear that not only was He not sending me away, but that He actually wanted me to stay at the school I was at.

I somehow always thought that it had to be either missions or marriage. It seemed too much for me to believe or ask God for both. But in His providence, He proved that He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all I could have dared to ask (Eph. 3:20).

How I Came to Meet 'The Border's Guy'

This actually is kind of a fun story. In October 2006, I was in Border's Bookstore, killing time while my nephew Mike was at youth group. I was looking in the Christian book section, when this really good-looking guy started to look at Christian books also. We acknowledged and smiled at each other, and we both continued to browse. I lingered a little longer than necessary because, when do you ever see a good-looking guy in the Christian book section??? For me, those two worlds just never seemed to collide (By that, I mean 'Christian' and 'good-looking guy').

I tried my hardest to think of something clever to say, but - darn it - nothing. I stalled, hoping that he might talk to me, but - nothing. Finally, I went to go sit down with my books and my friend Ryan, one of my best friends. I explained the scenario to him, and wouldn't you know it, the cute guy also sat down in a chair not far from us. "That's him!!! What do I do now??? It looks like you are my boyfriend!!!" Ry said, "Let me get up and walk around and maybe he'll come over to you." I said back, "But it already looks like we are together!" Ry got up anyway, and...no such luck. The cute 'Border's Guy' did not approach.

Well, next Wednesday rolled around. I thought, "Maybe if I go back again, maybe he'll be back at the same time, the same place..." [I have to put in a disclaimer here. I have never done anything like that in my life. It was completely out of character for me!] However, I went to Border's again - same time, same place. No such luck. Chalk it up to fate, God's will - whatever. It just wasn't happening with me and 'The Border's Guy'. And so, life went on...

I didn't really think much about The Border's Guy after that...all I really remembered was that he was good-looking (tall, nice build, dark hair and light eyes), a Christian (from what I was guessing), and for some reason, I remembered his outfit (a sweater that stuck out in my memory, for some reason - and black dress pants).

Fast forward almost a year later - Labor Day Weekend: Sunday, September 2nd, 2007. I was in church as usual that Sunday. My mom was with me b/c we had a baby shower to go to after. I sat where I usually sat. The service began, and a few minutes into the service, a group of 3 came and sat in my row. Rob I recognized. He came every week and sat in his usual seat (Far right side, end seat, near the fake tree in the corner). Well, other people were in his seat, so Rob and his entourage came and sat in my row. There was another girl and guy with him, so in my mind, I put together that it must have been Rob's brother and Rob's brother's girlfriend.

In the middle of the service, the pastor had us greet the people around us, as is our usual custom. I turned and said hello to Rob's friend and introduced myself. He said, "Hi, I'm James. I'm here with my friend Rob and his girlfriend." Oh, OK, I thought to myself. Not Rob's brother; not Rob's brother's girlfriend.

Service went on as usual, and after the service, James and I chit-chatted for a few minutes. James said he was looking for a new church and I casually told him our church was great and that he should try it.

After we say goodbye, my mother was instantly like, "Katie - who was that guy??? He seemed like he was interested in talking to you...Maybe he's 'The One.'" You know mothers... "No, Mom. I have no idea who he is. Please, let's not even go there."

When you've played this single's game as long as I had, I just knew that I shouldn't even touch this. How many times had I randomly bumped into guys and thought, '"Maybe this is 'The One,'"... only to find out - nope, not the one.

"Mom, let's just leave it alone."

So, next Sunday came around, and James was back. After the service, I was talking w/ some of my former students, and I saw him across the lobby with Rob. I made up in my mind that I was not going to pursue this. If something was meant to happen, he would have to take the lead. Well, a few minutes later, James just marched across the lobby to me and started talking. I was impressed. We chatted again and that was that.

Well, next Sunday came around, and he found me again. And we chatted. And then we ended up planning to go to the same Sunday School class next week. And then after that, we ended up talking to each other during the break between class and the service. And then after that, James asked if he could sit with me. And then after that, he asked for my phone number. And then after that, he asked to take me out...

OK, now this is where the story gets fun. About six weeks after we had met (by this time, we were talking on the phone and had been out maybe once or twice), James walked into Sunday School a little late, and I thought to myself, "That sweater looks really familiar. It kind of looks like the sweater The Border's Guy was wearing." And then I tried to remember what The Border's Guy looked like...couldn't really remember. But he did have dark hair and light eyes - and so did James. I contemplated the possibility for a moment but just wrote it off as coincidence. It wasn't more than just a blip on the radar - came and went. A sweater is a sweater.

Well, later that week, James emailed me and told me that he was going to Border's one night to read before work. "No way," I thought to myself..."What are the odds..."

This drove me crazy all week. And finally, I just had to ask: "Um, James - do you go to Borders much?" "Yeah, I go sometimes just to read." "Um, were you going about this time last year???" "In October?" "Yeah." "Yeah, why?" "I know this might sound crazy but...." And I proceeded to tell him of my encounter with The Border's Guy. He was quiet for a minute, and I began to feel stupid. Then, finally, he said, "Were you wearing a denim jacket???" I was. I usually am wearing a denim jacket. "Yes..." "I remember you! You were with that dude! I knew you looked familiar when I met you. I remember being disappointed that you had a boyfriend. And I even prayed, 'Now God, why can't you send me a pretty Christian girl like her???' "

No. Way.

Here I was, hanging out with The Border's Guy.

James later told me that he had planned on coming up to talk to me that night...until he saw me there with 'that dude.' A little later, we actually did stop into Border's one night, and - just to prove he wasn't lying - James pointed out where he had been sitting and where I had been sitting... and yup, he definitely was the one - The Border's Guy.

And now, almost three years later and with a ring on my finger, I am happy to report that my mom was right - James was 'The One.'