Of Things Blessed and Unblessed

Human suffering. Tragedy. Despair. I get this same thought every time I am exposed to it. I've gotten it on every missions trip I have been on. It is the one plaguing question I can't get away from:

Why them?
And even more pointedly, why not me?

I struggle with this. A lot. I've been told by others that I have a 'bleeding heart' - and honestly, I don't think this is a bad thing. But sometimes it makes life hard (which I don't think is a bad thing either).

I said in my last post that I had a hard time even thinking wedding details in light of what has happened. But that doesn't take away from the fact that I still have had wedding details to take care of. And honestly, as far as that is concerned - it has been a great week (which is VERY hard to say in wedding-planning-world. At least for me).

In stark contrast to what is happening in Haiti, I feel like God has given me an extra dose of His blessing this week, which honestly, is really hard for me to reconcile. These two images are juxtaposed in my brain: Me with these blessings all around me and the Haitians in the overwhelming suffering. I don't need it as much as the Haitians do...so why is He coming through in all of these little ways?

Now, these 'blessings' may not seem big to someone else...but I don't want to deny them as God's little blessings to me. I was given a brand new panini press that I was hoping to get. We found home-owner's insurance for about $300 less than we thought. I won a blog giveaway for a cell-phone wallet. My friend Liz surprised me with a package of this pumpkin butter I mentioned sounded yummy (She's in Belize, by the way). I ran into one of my favorites friends from high school last night, who was just sooo good to see.

But in light of Haiti, I am tempted to say, 'Who cares?' to all of those other things. When people's lives have been literally crushed, what do these things matter???

But I am wondering if maybe occurrences like the tragedy in Haiti is precisely why these things matter. We want to help them get back on their feet. To give them love and support. But for what?

Maybe so they can one day be in a place to enjoy little blessings for themselves. True, it probably won't be a panini press for them, but shouldn't they have the chance to have quality friendships? To have a home for their families? To have a peaceful life? To get a surprise gift?

I am not equating possessions and what we call 'American prosperity' with happiness. People with far less often are much happier than we Americans. (Believe me, I've seen it firsthand).

But, I am talking about the chance for a blessed existence (which I know doesn't necessarily mean a cotton-candylife). For me, it wasn't so much those 'things' that made me feel so happy and blessed. It was the fact that God was with me and had stepped into my world in those little, personal ways. And while God is actively blessing all the time - even in 'less-blessed' times (at least from my narrow perspective), it is not every week that I experience it so tangibly.

And maybe these little blessings feel so good to me because I do know what it is like to go through dark times that have felt 'unblessed'. So in contrast to that, these little blessings feel so good. And maybe they wouldn't mean as much if I hadn't gone through those dark times.

But those times did pass, and I believe they will pass for the people of Haiti.

That is my hope for the people of Haiti: that they can be restored and know what it is like feel His blessings on them - whatever form His blessings might look like. To have hope that even when bad times come, there is a chance for Him to bring good out of it. To walk with God and know His friendship, which is actually what makes a life most blessed.

And for us who are not suffering like they are, I think it is right to ask, 'OK, God - this didn't happen to me. So what do you want me to do with all the blessings you have given me?' I don't think He wants me to just sit back and enjoy my panini press and pumpkin butter (certainly not at the same time, lol). But I think there is a certain responsibility we have, those of us who are blessed, to help and reach out to those who are feeling 'unblessed' at this time.

Then, when the people of Haiti recover and experience their time of blessing, they will be in a good place to enjoy God's blessing to them and then reach out and bless the ones who will need it at that time.

In bringing this stream-of-consciousness to a close, I don't think the point is for me (or you) to feel bad about my blessings. But I also do not think I am to stay self-absorbed in all my blessings and ignore the suffering of others. I think we should enjoy our blessings as Ecclesiastes says, but we also are to get beyond ourselves, use our blessings in a positive way, and get involved in helping the suffering of others.

I don't know the mind of God, I don't know how this all works out. I can't answer why them and why not me. But I do know that since it was not me, I have a responsibility to do what I can. Because, honestly, that is what God did. He saw us in our suffering and mess, but didn't just stay in His 'blessed' heaven; He got involved in our mess and brought salvation.

It reminds me a quote I read from John Ortberg's book some years ago, God is Closer Than You Think:

" God chooses not to stand apart from our suffering. He is not unmoved by the pain of the creatures he loves. He embraces that pain and suffers with us. Karl Barth wrote that God would rather be unblessed with his creatures than to be the blessed God of unblessed creatures."

We should be like our Father.

[P.S. - After poking around on blog-world, I have see A TON of bloggers setting up their blogs to help Haiti, give suggestions, donate money based on comments...all sorts of generous things!!! One of the best ones is here. SOOOOO encouraging to see all the blessed people out there using their blessings to help! What a boost!!!]

What is Really Important - A Prayer for Haiti

Picture from Yahoo.com

I just can't think wedding today. I was going to write a post today about all the details coming together - wedding, the house, all the good things happening...but I can't get Haiti off my mind. Somehow, my small details like pretty invitations and filling up my registry just doesn't seem very significant.

My heart breaks for what is going on over there. It's strange, because on Monday night, the J-man and I were watching a documentary on Haiti. It traced the years of poverty and unrest. But now, it was reporting that Haiti was in the 'window of opportunity.' There were investors coming over to help; new industries and factories and job opportunities were being created; international workers were training their police and getting rid of the gang violence. It seemed like Haiti was finally stabilizing and maybe being given something she never had before: hope.

The commentators emphasized that Haiti has been given this window of time to take advantage of all the help being given to her to get on her feet. It almost seemed like this was the last shot for Haiti to get it right; this was the moment all the world was really helping her, and she had this last opportunity to take advantage of it.

Then, eerily, the very next day - this. A 7.0 earthquake. It is hard not to ask why. Why - in a country with so much poverty and devastation and unrest already? Why not us - a country that has the infrastructure to deal with this? You wonder just how much more can a struggling nation can take.

At this point, I'm not really seeking answers to these questions - my heart is so sad for them. Our missions team from our school is actually going there in April (I would be on that trip too, if it were not for the wedding in March). A few students in our school have parents who are there now - and have no way of knowing if they are dead or alive.

I'm just sad. That's all. It's hard to feel helpless...wanting so badly to help.

Giving - we can do that. Some ways to help:

*World Vision

*Compassion International

The American Red Cross is accepting donations as small as $10, charged directly to your phone bill by texting 'HAITI' to 90999.

Some can go. I'm jealous. I wish I could, too.

We can care - even if it is just making the choice to watch the news, follow the stories - to at least try to feel their pain and suffering and not shut it out to go quickly back into our safe, comfortable world.

We can pray - That's what we can do from here. And, thankfully, God is not limited by distance, time or resources.

So, Lord, I ask You to be with Haiti. Give them help. They are desperate and need a miracle. Only You can help them in the way they need. My heart is so heavy for them. Dear Jesus, bring good out of this tragedy. You can do that. And only You can do that. Be with the creation You love so much. Bring them to Yourself. Give them hope and peace. Give them what You know they need. Give them Yourself.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen.

Awards, Give-aways, and Other Random Blog Events!

OK, lots of things going on on some of the blogs I read, so I am going to share some of them with you!

* On JDaniel4smom 's blog, she is giving away 4 free sessions with a life coach! That is pretty amazing, considering all the amazing things that might transpire in your life from that! And a little daunting - sometimes we are comfortable in our dysfunction, lol! But it is a great way to boost the new year's resolutions. Check out her blog and enter!

*For all of you coffee drinkers out there, The Coffee Shop, a blog that makes you feel like you are just sitting in with a friend having a nice latte, is giving away a $20 giftcard to Starbucks! That's pretty great! I haven't splurged on Starbucks in a while because of all of the wedding/house stuff going on, so that would be a great treat!

*Here is a shout out to my sister, The Girl Creative, [who got me blogging in the first place]. This is for all of you crafty, DIY-types...Moody Girl Projects is using my sister's blog to host a "Top 10" Party launching January 15th. You post your top 10 crafty projects, then link up at The Girl Creative! Check it out if you'd like to attend!

* I mentioned this before, but Daisy Kisses is hosting Project 365 - a picture for every day of the year. Even if you can't jump in (Why not? Start now! Better late than never!), by following some of the links, you will see some great photography. I feel like an amateur next to some of them, but I am hopefully going to get better as the year goes on. Feel free to visit This Beautiful Mess to see some snapshots of my attempts to see something extraordinary in my ordinary life. Which leads me to my next
item...

*Out of the Extraordinary and A Chocolate Lover's Confession have both given me my first blog awards! I didn't even know awards existed until last week, but I feel very honored to get them! Out of the Extraordinary is just like it says...finding the extraordinary in every day things. Chocolate Lover's Confessions is a wedding planning blog. Both are great! Take a visit!

THE LANGUAGES OF LOVE

First, a big THANK YOU for all who commented on my last post with their wisdom for resolving conflict! I am so appreciative of that!

What is on my mind today is love languages. Some of you might be familiar with this, based on the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman (If you visit his site, you can take a quiz to see what your languages are!).

The basic concept is that there are certain ways we as individuals like to give and receive love. If someone is showing us love in our 'language,' then we get a sense of feeling loved by that person. A person may still love us, but if he is showing love in his language and not our language, we might feel unloved by that person, when in fact, he does love us.

So, the point is to find out which way you and your partner give and receive love, and try to show him love in the way he receives it, not in the way I like to give it. And vice versa - your partner should try to show you love in the way you receive it, not in the way he likes to give it.

Well, the J-man and I had another pre-marital counseling session, and the focus was on love languages. We had taken a love languages test months ago, when we were in our pre-covenant classes (a great 8 week course required for anyone getting married by one of our pastors). We both scored high on 'physical touch' and 'words of affirmation' - so that was good.

But the one difference we had was in 'quality time.' I scored very high on my need for quality time, and he scored much lower. And this makes sense. The J-man values his alone time and often is OK spending time with himself. I, on the other hand, while I need time by myself to regroup, I generally like to be around people and find it stimulating (most of the time!).

Now obviously, the point of a relationship is to relate to another person which can only be done by being with him/her. But I think this was enlightening for both of us. For me, it showed me to not take it personally if the J-man needs to be alone at times. It is just who he is.

On the other hand, the J-man was encouraged to be aware and sensitive to the fact that my needs are different, and that if I am feeling disconnected, then quality time is needed on the double.

And over time, the hope is that it will balance out - he will get used to spending more time together, and I will grow to be more comfortable with time he needs alone.

The give and take of a relationship. The dying to self - that was a point our pastor made. Sometimes, to love someone else, in his or her language, it's not always what is comfortable for us or what we would prefer. But if we love that person, we will get beyond ourselves. And, by doing that, we learn to grow as people. Which, really, is one of the points of marriage.

[p.s. - I just added Gary Chapman's blog to my blog list. They have some great relationship resources and articles! A great find! It's definitely worth a visit!]

Love... and War

Yeah, the other side of relationships. The Battlefield.

I float around on a lot of these blogs, and sometimes I think, 'Everybody's life just seems so happy. So perfect.'

Can anyone else out there relate to me??? Am I the only one who feels like sometimes love and relationships are (cough, cough) less than perfect??? That they can be hard sometimes?

I'm sure nobody wants to hang their dirty laundry out there for all of cyber-world to see - I am not saying they even should. Some things are private and should be kept between you and your man. Absolutely true.

Maybe we women are trying to respect our men and paint them in a positive light - and that is great. I am all for showing our men respect and think that is totally appropriate.

But being newly-engaged and soon-to-be-married, I guess I am curious to hear how other couples deal with conflicts in their relationships - I can use all the insight I can get! And I haven't really seen a lot written about that.

I don't know if there is a 'right' way - each couple is so individual. And we are all works in progress. But I guess sometimes I want re-assurance that we are "OK." "Normal." Not that we are being graded, but I guess sometimes I want to know where we fall on the Bell Curve. But that's just me...the recovering perfectionist.

[I have to add this disclaimer - of course - you knew that was coming: things are actually very good with the J-man and myself. For real! They are!]

But I admit that it takes a lot of mental energy always trying to decipher the best way to deal with conflict.

To not react emotionally.
To seek to understand before being understood.
To think logically about what way of communicating is effective and what is just a waste of time.
To know which battles are worth fighting and which ones will only put us on separate sides instead of on the same team.

They told us in our pre-covenant classes that women see the world through pink glasses, hear with pink hearing aids and speak through a pink megaphone.

Men, on the other hand - yep, you guessed it: blue glasses, blue hearing aid and blue megaphones (That came from Love and Respect by the Eggerichs). And I am sure that those differences alone cause most of the skirmishes.

It's a lot of energy to just try and understand them as men.

So I guess I am curious to hear from you ladies - married, engaged, dating, newly-wed and even singles... Can you relate to this??? What kinds of things have come in between you and your man? How do you resolve it? What have been your experiences with this? (It's OK to be honest but no male bashing here! I hope we all love our men and want to respect them!)

Relationships. It's all about love - but it can feel like war sometimes...
It's a lot of energy.
But to have a relationship with a good man, to love him and experience his love in return, I've found, that is worth fighting for.

(PS...God is teaching me a few lessons about this, too. I'll share some in future blogs.)

Oh No You Didn't!

Yes, I did.

As if I didn't need another excuse to procrastinate and be distracted, I have started another blog.

I got the idea from Nicolasa who is hosting Project 365 on her blog - a picture for every day of the year. I had to join. I had to! So, I started another one. Feel free to visit, if you would like, at This Beautiful Mess - or maybe even start your own! You can link up at Nicolasa's blog!

Fear - Be Gone!

OK - New Year's Resolutions. To make them or not to make them?

Some people don't like them, but I do. I don't know why...just maybe the chance to start over and get second shot at what I didn't get right last year.

I can't say I have had a lot of time to give this much thought...but I would like to start this new decade with some kind of goal in mind. So, in giving it just a little thought, one goal I think I do want to consciously work on is my negative thinking.

I tend to be a worrier, and I am really starting to feel the effects of these worries (or if I am honest - these fears) in my life. I've kind of struggled with "stinkin' thinkin'" over the years. Not that you would think I am a pessimist if you met me; I am typically an upbeat person. But inside, I feel like there is this vat of negative thoughts and expectations that just swirl around in there. Sometimes I am aware of it and can get it under control - and sometimes....not.

Maybe because I am such a do-er perfectionist, I feel a bit out of control when I make a situation better force things to turn out how I want. And the results of what I can't control scare me. And it just leads to a messy thought life...which leads to negative emotions...which takes its toll in my physical body. Who wants to live like that?

Take a look at the picture above. I debated using it in my blog because it is so ugly and disturbing. But then I thought...No, that is a great visual for fear. Fear is ugly and disturbing, and that is what it looks like inside of me. And I refuse to have that controlling me. Honestly, I feel tired of being afraid.

I tend to live in the world of 'what if' - which is a scary, dark world. And I need to know, down in my gut, it should be 'so what, if?'

I have God. I will be OK. Everything will be fine.

So, as far as resolutions go, I think this is the one that will effect every other area of my life.

Of course, there are the others...drop a few pounds, be less selfish. I want to grow closer to Jesus and be more faithful to Him. I want to be a good wife to J. I want to be a better teacher, and I want to stop procrastinating and waste less time. I would like to be a better writer and blogger.

But this sums up my goal for this year:


Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious - the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.

(The Message - Phil. 4:6-8)

What about you? Do you make resolutions? Keep them? Have any for 2010?